Crash Landing

the calypso

Biting my nails nervously as I stared into the dark surroundings that blocked my visual senses, I could feel the bubble of anxiety slowly blow up inside my chest and I tried to taper it down as best as I could.

Even though I was all for this plan, even though I still wanted to start up this spaceship and blast off like it was a goddamn spectacular rocket launch back on Earth, I was still hesitant about the whole scenario.

What if I was simply being delusional?

What if I was just going crazy and there was a simple solution to the questions ruminating around inside my head that didn't involve breaking several international space laws in the process?

I brushed those worrisome thoughts aside for the moment, I wasn't exactly concerned about looking like an idiot for going through all of this trouble for seemingly nothing other than to piss off my superiors, as that's what it appeared to look out from an outsider's point of view.

It wasn't entirely wrong, by the way, I couldn't wait to see the shock and disbelief takeover the Commander's face when I did get back, I can almost guarantee that she would shit a brick if I brought Mama back onto the Celestial.

But although I wasn't scared of looking like a buffoon in front of my friends, family and coworkers, I have to admit….I was scared of being in the wrong on the end of things.

And that was a valid fear too.

I haven't really been in the right when it came to major, life alternating decisions before so why exactly would a bout of random luck just decide to strike me this time?

And it wasn't really about being right or wrong when I truly thought about it…But I was more scared about what would happen if I was wrong after all.

What if I went through all of this trouble for nothing?

What if Earth truly was decimated like the broadcasts and announcements and Board Members of Entitled Pricks have led us to believe after cramming those facts down our throats for years?

Or what if Earth wasn't completely demolished by mankind but….What if I couldn't find Mama after all?

Or…Or she didn't want to come back with me?

Or she forgot who I was entirely?

If she forgot about me and Lettie and everything that was good in our time together?

No! Stop that!

That's enough, no more doubting and absolutely no more wallowing in self pity!

Mentally slapping myself to snap some common sense back into my delusional brain, I straightened my spine from standing hunched against one of the metal panel walls as determination sparked a fire deep inside my bones that wouldn't be extinguished until I got some goddamn answers.

Until I found my Mama.

And so, that's why I made the decision to kickstart both the engine to this awful ship and my own engine that burned inside my core, my hands reaching out to feel alongside the walls until I was able to find the automatic control button that simultaneously flipped on the lights and forced the engine turbines to the ship to creak to a start.

As the lights turned on, I was bathed in the glow of bright, white artificial light from the ceiling of the spaceship and I blinked to readjust my field of vision, my head spinning as I rapidly grew accustomed to my surroundings being that of these tight quarters.

The lights were bright, so bright that they nearly blinded me, but that was just fine as it gave me a small grace period to adjust to the new settings I was currently in; The metal walls were old and dented, rusting in parts and placed that nobody even thought rust could form in.