Hope

DIVORCE

Kaveri' POV

I hate these loud sounds but I think my husband and everyone are happily enjoying their little girl's birthday party with the loud music and crackers. If my children are alive, even I would have celebrated their birthdays very grandly. But I don't have that in my fate.

Days are passing and the day of my youngest son's death anniversary is just after two days. Our house help cleaned and dusted the house. I went out to buy toys and clothes for all my children.

On the day of my son's death anniversary, I cooked everything, I could cook. I don't know what my children like. They all died before they could taste anything. They all only drank my breast milk before they left me. I decorated my children's photos with garlands and served them everything that I cooked.

Seeing their beautiful, innocent faces, I wanted to pamper them and give them the world. I started to feed the food with my own hands but later I realised that the food was falling on the ground. I thought I was hallucinating but later I realised that my children are not alive

I'm angry. I'm disappointed. How can my children leave me like this? I scolded them for leaving me. I threw the garlands away from their photos. I scolded them.

Later, I realised that they are not at fault. I apologised to my children but they are not reacting. I sang songs for them and danced for them but they are still not reacting.

I'm not understanding anything. I don't know what is real and what is not. I felt someone sitting on my lap. I hugged my children who are sitting on my lap. They are calling me "Amma".

Tears filled my eyes. I always wanted them to call me "Amma". But they never did and now listening to the magical word, I want nothing more in my life. I hugged my children tightly and unknown to me, I fell asleep.

I woke up to see that my children are nowhere. I searched everywhere in the house but they are nowhere. I understood that they are just my imagination. I saw the food infront of my children. I had no will to eat. But I want to eat it as I believe that my children atleast ate a little bit of it. I sat infront of my children and ate the food. Even though, my stomach was already heavy, I ate everything on the plate.

It's been many days that I ate a proper food. I slept near my children as I felt very sleepy. But someone knocked the door. Reluctantly, I opened the door and came face to face with my husband. I felt happy knowing that atleast he remembers our son's death anniversary.

I moved aside and he came inside and sat on the sofa. He asked me to sit and I did. He said, "How are you?" to which I don't know what to answer. How am I? Just alive. But I just said, "Fine" I asked him the same out of formality to which he said, "Fine. You know right that I was always interested in politics. Now, I decided to join politics and contest as MLA and even the ruling party is ready to give me a the ticket to contest." To which I said, "Congratulations" . I know that he always wanted to join politics. When we were kids, he always said, "I'll become Chief Minister and appoint you as Home Minister."

I'm happy that atleast he remembers me now. We were very close from our childhood. We always shared our secrets. He continued, "But, they said that having two wives is not good for my reputation." Scared of his next words, I asked him, "What do you want me to do?" To which he said, "Divorce me." I immediately stood up and said, "If having two wives is a problem then divorce your second wife."

My husband too stood up and said, "She is the mother of my children. I can't divorce her." To which I said, "Then, who am I. She just gave birth to your two children but I gave birth to your four children."

My husband said, "I know that you gave birth to my children and I dearly loved them but none of them are alive today and now I have responsibilities towards my children who are alive and their mother and I can never divorce her."

Listening to my husband, I hated myself for marrying such a selfish person and said, "If you really loved my children, why don't you remember that today is my son's death anniversary."

The death of my children is traumatic for me. I hate being reminded that they are nomore. I started crying remembering my children. My husband tightly hugged me and said, "I would just divorce you but won't ever leave you. I would always take care of you. I would send money to your account and would take proper care of you. I would still be your husband after the divorce. Infact, I would always be your husband. No one can make me leave you. You will always belong to me This divorce is just for my reputation."

It's sickening listening to my husband. Not able to tolerate his presence, his hug, I pushed him but he hugged me tighter. Tired of everything I said, "First I was your only wife and then one of the wife and now you want me to be your mistress." Seeing me cry more vigorously, my husband tried to say something.

But I already lost the patience to listen to him. His hug which I loved from my childhood is suffocating me. I felt like I would die in his embrace. His hug which was once my safe heaven is literally my hell now.

I felt very uncomfortable in my stomach and suddenly threw up on my husband. My husband who hugged me like his life depends on me, pushed me like I was dirt and gave me a dirty look and left the house.

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