New Beginnings

Chapter 13

CALLIES POV:

"We should talk" Arizona said in the next morning while making coffee for herself and me
"I know" I answered while letting a shaking breath out. Arizona sat opposite to me so she can look in my eyes when we talk.
"I don't want to be with you if you are not hundred percent sure about us. I won't go through all that heartbreak again, I just can't. I wouldn't survive that" Arizona began with a shaking voice.
"I am scared too. I mean, how could I not, but in the last few years and months with you here, I realized that what I was missing the whole time was right in front of me. There was always something missing, even with Penny, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't feel complete so I thought maybe I need a fresh start somewhere else with no drama and Penny winning the grant was the perfect excuse for beginning a new life somewhere else. And in this process of moving here, I hurt you and I am so sorry for that. The first few months in New York were good. Penny wasn't home very often. I focused on work and Sofia but this feeling that something was missing didn't go away. I never felt like home and when you moved here, I realized that it was YOU who was missing and with you here I finally feel like home" I replied and tears were glistening in my eyes.
"So you didn't move here because you loved Penny that much and wanted to be with her?" the blonde asked in a shy voice.
"No, I maybe loved Penny but I was never in love with her and I will never love anyone the way I love you Arizona".
"Y-You love me?" Arizona asked like she couldn't believe what I was saying and I can't blame her.
"I do and I am not expecting you to say it back right now" I said and took her left hand in mine, feeling the electrity running through my body because of the skin contact.
"I would like to try again. I want to hold your hand, I want to kiss you, I want to wake up next to you, I want your beautiful blue eyes to be the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and the first to see when I wake up. I love you so much Arizona and I will spend the rest of my life telling and showing you that, if you let me but I understand when you need time to think about or i-if you don't want that at all." I was looking directly in her eyes and saw fear. I felt guilty, knowing that I caused that by leaving her and confessing my love all of a sudden. After a minute of silence, Arizona replied "I-I need time, I don't know what to say". My heart broke at that statement knowing too well, that it could be the end and it would be my fault but there was also hope.. hope that we could work again, hope that we could be happy again, hope that it could be the start of our new beginning.

"O-okay yeah sure take all the time you need. I should probably go anyway. I have a surgery in 30 minutes" and with that I grabbed my things and walked out of the door.

On the hand I feel relieved that I finally had the courage to ask Arizona for another change but on the other hand I can't help but feel scared. What will I do, when she doesn't want to try again? I wouldn't even blame her. I messed up big and maybe she deserves better than me, but could I really watch how she fall in love with another woman? She can have anyone she wants, because she is the most amazing human being that I have ever met. She can light up a whole room with her smile and god she is so beautiful and I was stupid enough to let her go. I let the love of my life go. My one great love that got away. Whoever may have the luck to be with her somewhere in the future, can feel really happy and she should worship her and treat her the way she deserves. I really hope that I can be that person for her again but if she decides to move on without me than I have to let her. I want her to be happy, that's all I ever wanted. With all those thoughts, I felt the tears streaming down my face and I felt my heart break all over again. It feels like I can't breathe. I can't breathe without her. Should I fight for her? for us? I should have done that years ago. I should have fought harder because god knows she is worth fighting for. She is everything. She is my Arizona, she belongs to me, she always has and she always will. But is that not selfish? God I really need to talk to someone. Maybe Addison or Meredith could help. With that I finally drove to the hospital.

After my surgery which was a succes I drove home and decided to make myself comfortable on the couch and decided to call Meredith.
Hey Meredith, how's everything going?

Hey Callie, things are fine, same as usual. What about you? How is Sofia and Arizona?

They are good. We had a movie night last night and I stayed over at Arizonas but now I am home and I actually need your advice.

I assume it's about Arizona

Yeah it is.. we had a great time together and we kissed a few times and god it was amazing, like everything is making sense again and I am finally there where I belong..

So where is the problem then?

Well.. I told her how I feel and that I want another chance and she said she needs time and now I am afraid. I want to fight for her but I don't know if it is maybe too late. I messed up big and maybe she deserves better than me and I want her to be happy but I want her to be happy with me. God I feel so selfish again.

It is not selfishness, it's love. You are right, you messed up but so did she and if she says she needs time, you have to give her that. Arizona loves you, we all know that.

But what if she decides, that she is better off without me and wants to move on?

Then you have to accept that. I know it's hard and it hurts, but you have her in your life again so be thankful for that.

yeah.. you are probably right but it still sucks.

For what its worth.. If you are meant to be then you will find your way back to each other.. this is how true love works. Derek was my true love and I will never find someone like him again but Arizona she is your true love, she is your soulmate so if you want her back than you are allowed to fight for her.

Thank you Meredith

Anytime Callie, Anytime.

We talked a lot more and when I decided to end the call it was already evening. I hadn't heard from Arizona and I am a bit disappointed, but she needs time and I will give her that. I decided to make myself something to eat and to watch a movie. Halfway through the film, I heard my phone ringing. It was Arizona who was calling. I felt my heart skip a beat.

Hey. I answered the call
Hey Mama, I missed you today.

It was Sofia, my little girl. I couldn't help but smile

I missed you too so much. What did you do the whole day?
Mommy and I were grocery shopping and we bought lots of ice cream and we were at the park. It was sooo much fun. Mommy said we could all go to the Zoo on the next weekend. What do you say?
Of course we can Mija
Yeyyy, it will be so much fun. I could hear the excitement in Sofias voice

"Sofia, food is ready" I heard Arizona shouting from the kitchen and I felt those butterflies again, just by hearing her voice.

I have to go Mama. Mommy made spaghetti.
Okay, goodbye Mija. I love you
Love you too Mama.

When the call ended I had a big smile on my face, and I was really looking forward to spending time with my girls the next weekend.