𝙱𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙷𝚘𝚙𝚎~𝙹𝚞𝚍𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚊𝚖

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙴𝚕𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗

Gabriela's POV:

These past few days have been the happiest I've been in a long time and I'm genuinely grateful that I'm spending them with the people I love and care about. I actually haven't had any nightmares too, and I've had them every single day for the past year. So it was actually really nice to not have to take any sleeping pills.

I don't think I ever got the Importance of sleep until I actually started struggling with falling asleep, it's like when you're a trauma survivor you have nightmares every night. Being asleep can be worse than being awake. It's like falling asleep into this place of memories and emotions from the trauma come up and flood you and you can't do anything about it because you're asleep. It's awful but sometimes sleep is an escape from reality.

Another things that's recently happened is that Jude and I went public with our relationship this week, and it's so weird now that everyone knows. Some girls who are obsessed with him are actually really mad at me for "stealing their man" and that I'm not pretty enough to be with him and I don't really mind the last part because not everyone has to like me but it's really funny to see them hating on me for simply existing. But then again, out of all the girls in the world who wanted him, he chose me so I think I win.

Jude and I are currently at the beach watching the sunset together and it's really beautiful. The only sound that is can be heard is the waves and the small wind, it's the perfect weather to watch the sunset

"You know if one year ago you would've told me that I'd be in Cape Verde watching the sunset with the girl of my dreams and be this happy, I wouldn't believe you"Jude says

"Aww, I'm the girl of your dreams?" I ask him feeling very flattered by his words

He puts my hair behind my ear before softly whispering into my ear, and oh my gosh I feel like I could happily just die.

BUTTERFLIES, I mean literal butterflies. This man knows what he is doing to me.

"okay I have to admit, that was actually kinda hot" I say trying not to blush

"Kinda? I don't know what you're on about but, it was extremely hot"

"It was" I say as I go in for a passionate kiss

"Now that was hotter" Jude says as we pull apart and catch our breaths

I am the happiest girl on earth right now, and  I feel like I could cry because of how hard I've tried to be happy these past five years. And I'm really glad that I'm finally finding my happiness in life, I deserve it.

We just finished eating dinner and are getting ready to watch a movie with the whole family.

"Can I use your charger, I can't find mine...again" Jude asks me as we are helping my cousins and mom get snacks

"Yeah sure, it should be on top of my nightstand if not check the first drawer"

"Okay, thank you" he says

I continue setting up for movie night, until I realize Jude has been taking a long time to come back and I remember that the drawer where my charger is in, also has my lighters and blades, pills and diary.

"Oh shit" was the only thing I am able let out

I panic at the thought of Jude seeing everything that was in that drawer that I ran to our room faster than Mbappé would in this situation.

I open the door to our room and Jude is just on his phone, and I can't tell you how relived I feel in this moment . It's the thought of Jude finding out about everything and then just deciding to leave, and that scares me a lot because I don't want to lose him and what I have with him. But he'll find that out eventually and that's basically any day now because I feel ready to finally tell him everything about me and explain why I am the way I am, but I'm just really scared of being a burden to him that I always chicken out every time I want to tell him.

"Hey you okay? You've been gone a while and I just wanted to make sure you were fine" I ask him

"Yeah I am, I was just talking to mum" he says as he puts his phone away

"Oh okay" I say feeling a bit relived

"Has the movie started yet?"

"No but it will start soon, so I think we should head back down"

We go back down and the movie is just starting.

I got bored in the middle of the movie but everyone else seems to love it, so I dealt with it.

When the movie is finally over I help clean up, and then go upstairs to get ready for bed. As I am getting ready for bed, I can't help but notice that my scars were my fading away, and I feel lost without them.

I haven't been physically hurt myself in months and when I look at my fading scars, I feel like I'm faking everything and that there's people who have it worse so I should just stop pretending that I'm not okay. I don't know why but I just feel like that.

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shitty chapter but whatever🫠