What if I changed?

( Day 1 )

"You should workout' 

"You should go on a diet"

"Your outfit looks horrendous"

"Maybe you should give up...'

When you surround yourself with all these negative comments, you really need to change. I mean...who would surround themselves with negative-minded and judgemental people? But...I mean...there will always be people who are going to criticize you. Even your own mom. 

"Can't your sister come out of the room?' 

"Em! Mom asked you to come out of the room!' Ruby shouted as loud as she can, she thought she was loud enough but she wasn't...

Hi! I'm Emily, Emily Simpson. Probably short form as 'Em",  I live near my school, which is easy to just walk for like five minutes. My sister, Ruby Simpson, was homeschooled, while I wake up early to walk to school every morning. Talk about favoritism. While my sister just spends the rest of her "school life" at home, I may be a little troublemaker at school. Example: Try to steal answer sheets in the teacher's office during freshmen year, try driving a car to school during sophomore year, and nearly get myself expelled.  But I have my own way to escape all of this....ART. It's always been my passion, my dream to become an artist like Leonardo Da Vinci or some famous artist. But it isn't that easy...

"Seriously? An artist? That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard all day! Can't you be something else?'

For the hundredth time! I told you! Being an artist has no profit! You want to sleep on the streets?'

See?

It's not like I'm partying or doing something that teenagers aren't supposed to do, but chasing my dreams is really a challenge. But I can't deny that my little sister is better than me. She got better grades, a dream that has a higher salary, and that's all my mother ever dreamt about. 

Not to say I'm some famous shiny teenager in my school during Junior year. Not one of the popular girls who wear furry tank tops and high-heeled boots with a leather bag or whatsoever but they did give me a nickname. I don't even want to say it... I don't have many friends, maybe one...I guess...probably Jessica Skyes. She was my first friend during my sophomore year. We met at some art exhibition or something. 

It went like "HI! NICE TO MEET YOU. ISN'T THIS ART WONDERFUL?' to ' I LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU MORE! I'm GLAD THAT WE'RE FRIENDS!' sort of thing. We hang out every day after school, and making up an excuse to study at the library with my mom is already one of my daily tasks to do. But well, I did experience low-grade depression...sometimes even over starve myself to get a better image of myself. And yes, I hate myself, not like a lot just the way I look. My legs and my face, my nose, and the whatever part that I just disliked about myself. And whenever Miller posted some really nice photo of herself. I started to hate myself even more...Funny isn't it? I knew that Miller is gonna post some photos that make me feel insecure or see myself in a bad way...but I just couldn't ignore it.

"Can't you just unfollow or block her or something?' Jessica would never get tired of saying this. I mean what can I say? She wears the same colors of clothing every day. Pink and purple and purple and pink...weird isn't it? 

She's just obsessed with watching drawing videos or drawing weird pictures like a cow with a man's body or a cat with a snake and a goat. And every time she shows me.  My first reaction was "your-drawings-are- disturbing'  type of creation. Then she would give me a' it's-unique' sort of reaction. 

I guess this is my life right now...sort of ...figuring out?