opposites attract

look at me

"you what?!" delilah's quick to put her bowl in the sink. she grabs my hand and drags me to the couch where i'm forced to sit down. "tell me everything!"

delilah was always overly excited about anything i had going on in my life. "d it's not that big of a deal." i look out the window. i can feel her rolling her eyes at me.

i proceed to tell her about last night as casually as i could but she acted like it was the best thing ever. i try my best to match her energy, i know she's just happy for me.

"wow, this is great meena. i love this for you."

i fidget with my fingers not really sure how to feel. i have a lot going on at the moment. i don't know where my head's at. "it was just a nice conversation d. i didn't mind talking to him."

"huh, well today's going to be interesting." she sings and skips to the kitchen. i squint at her knowing that she's up to something. "what do you mean?" i ask cautiously.

"i invited them over for brunch."

of course she did. i was okay with one day of being social. i wasn't sure if i could do another. i could stay in my room. but that would be so rude.

i frown at my best friend. she had failed to mention these plans and it was already brunch time!

i rush to my room, pick up my cat then go to my bathroom. midnight goes limp in my arms as i pace around the bathroom petting her head.

what am i going to say?

what am i going to do?

why didn't she tell me earlier?

they're going to be here? in our house? our safe space.

ugh!

my overthinking stresses me out. i stress myself out.

i finally stop pacing and put my cat on the toilet seat. she meows as i look at myself in the mirror. the dark circles under my eyes aren't getting any better, my mental health isn't getting any better. what am i going to do?

i spend ten minutes trying to make myself look more presentable and alive.

they're just people. really calm, friendly and funny people.

i start to wonder where my anxiety's really coming from.

am i just nervous because i'm around new people? or am i just scared of being perceived by anyone other than my best friend?

both?

god i wish i wasn't such a headcase.

you're experiencing anxiety because you've been in isolation from everyone and everything outside of your household for months now.

my brain forms its own explanation. i nod listening to myself. it's right, i'm right! "you'll have my back today, right?" i look over at midnight. she blinks. i nod once more then take a deep breath. "i got this!" i pick her up and leave my bathroom. i'm now in my room again. my safe space.