𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 ✓ Lee Minho Centric

16.0 breaking point

"whoa", hyunjin breathed out and minho felt himself blushing at the fact that he collapsed for the second time now. he paused for a second, the dizziness sweeping over him and making him see tiny black dots for a moment before he could finally steady himself and get, with the help from hyunjin and chan, on his knees.

he was on the verge of fainting, minho was sure of that. but instead of admitting that it was because he hadn't let a solid meal stay inside of him for the past few weeks, that he was overworked and anxious twenty four seven and maybe extremely dehydrated from all the purging, minho blamed his throbbing head and blacking vision on the panic attack.

the two boys sat him down on the comfortable studio couch, on which chan had probably slept a couple of times, considering that some of his nightly belongings still laid on the table next to it. minho plopped down, immediately curling into himself as he suddenly felt a wave of sickness overcome him. he wasn't about to throw up now too, was he?

"you're super pale", chan stated and reached his hand forward to touch minhos forehead. "and extremely hot".

"I know I'm hot, hyung", minho jokingly answered, even though his throat tightened with every word spoken. chan only rolled his eyes, though he seemed ever so slightly relieved. "you don't need to tell me that again".

after a short period of silence, hyunjin spoke up again. his tone was quiet, careful.

"are you okay?".

another wave of sickness overcame him and minho had to swallow down the upcoming puke as soon as he tasted it. he quickly lowered his head and breathed out shakily, his eyes started to water again from the stinging in his throat.

what the hell is happening to me?

"I'll get him some water and food", chan whispered to hyunjin and was about to leave the room when minho quickly intervened, snapping back to attention at that.

"n.. no", he said, through clenched teeth. "no food, only water".

at this moment, minho remembered the article he once red for a short moment. people dying from their eating disorders, even though all they had to do was eat. he thought he was different from them, less sick. looking at it now, he wasn't that different, after all.

minho was panting at that point. "no food", he repeated, his voice small but determined. "please".

after nobody answered and silence filled the room, minho looked up, straight into chans face. despite his vision being slightly blurry, he immediately saw that chan was frowning, no leader smile, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was thinking about something.

and then, after a second, it seemed like something in him clicked, as if he found the answer he was looking for, and minho wished he could disappear.

"why?".

minho's fingers curled, he knew why. he was hungry, he was in pain, he was starving, but he couldn't eat. he wanted to be thin, thin enough so the media would write articles about his weight loss, thin enough so fans would write worried comments and tell him to eat more, thin enough so the people around him could see that something was wrong. he wanted to look so very sick from the outside that there was no question that he was sick on the inside, too.