Cuddle Buddies - Niko Vilhelm Moilanen | Blind Channel

My heart will go on

„I thought this was such a heartbreaking movie, but the music makes it seem so romantic..", I whispered as Rose walked over to Jack with the flutes quietly playing My heart will go on in the background and he then told her to give him her hand and close her eyes. „It is romantic", Niko answered just as quietly. „Being here on your bed, in your arms and cuddling under the blanket while watching this feels romantic, too", I thought but without noticing it, I had said it out loudly. Or at least I thought so because suddenly Niko removed his arm from my back and quietly said that we needed to talk.

„Please listen to everything I want to tell you... If you don't feel comfortable with it, it's okay, but please listen, okay?", he said and looked down at his hands. „Of course", I whispered and turned my gaze away from the TV and to Niko. „When I got to know you at the bar where I celebrated my birthday, I thought you were cool to hang out with and somehow, I noticed that you weren't happy with how you behaved, with who you pretended to be, so I thought we could spend some more time with each other and become friends. That was everything I wanted, to become friends with you.

But with every time we met, I liked you more. Do you remember when you asked why I kissed you and why I could do that without fearing of falling in love? You fell asleep before I could answer but I told you that it was maybe too late already. Although I tried so hard to fight against it, I developed feelings for you I didn't want to develop. The closer we got, the deeper my feelings for you became. It happened so fast that as we got close, it was already too late, maybe that's why I could kiss you and be so close to you in general. As long as it's not too close...

I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable with this but I can't keep this to me anymore. Sofia, I fell for you. I can't put into words how hard I fell for you. I wanted to tell you about my feelings so often, I wanted to be honest with you, but in the end, I didn't have the courage or we were interrupted. I finally found the courage to tell you yesterday evening when Joe came and then you said you were happy without a boyfriend, that you didn't want one. I was so hurt, I couldn't be close to you.

And then later, you went to bed and told me something about your real feelings and that you didn't want to trigger my anxiety. Now I'm so confused, I have no idea what you feel. I don't want you to feel pushed in a certain direction but I can't hide my feelings anymore. It's okay if you don't want more than whatever that is between us, I'm not mad at you or anything and if you now don't want to be friends with me anymore, I accept that", he whispered and didn't dare to look at me only once. He was constantly looking at his fingers and scratching off the nail polish he was wearing.

My heart was beating so fast as I tried to process something, probably just as Rose's heart when she felt like flying at the same time I was told about Niko's feelings for me. For a second, I was speechless. I couldn't believe that Niko had truly confessed his feelings, that was definitely not what I had expected as he had told me that we needed to talk. „Niko...", I whispered, still thinking about how to put my feelings for him into words.

„You heard my words?" Niko nodded as an answer, still waiting for my response. „I did... I couldn't sleep either. I was constantly thinking about if I had misunderstood your behavior before because I thought that you liked me, too. But after I heard what you told Joe... I didn't know what to think anymore and these thoughts, the pain inside my heart kept me awake."

„I'm sorry, I didn't want that to happen..", I quietly apologized, „Niko, you're not making me feel uncomfortable or anything.. I feel the same for you. If I hadn't caught feelings for you, I wouldn't have kissed you. But I didn't want to tell you about that because of what you said about being in a relationship. You said we'd never end up kissing and that you didn't want a relationship but it didn't take us long until we kissed. I was so confused, too, and I didn't want to cause you any bad feelings, so I hid these feelings for weeks, even a few months.