𝐅𝐚𝐮𝐱 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

Chapter 23

What happened years ago had taken her childhood away from Selena. The misunderstandings between her and her cousin thriving on her insecurities were aggravated by the experimental phase of her teenage where she was trying to find her true self in various people around her. The love for tank tops, bright pink lipsticks, shaky eyeliner before the incident to bare face, moody hijabi.

At the young age of 14 where she was running in the park alone at night. Running to get away from her siblings playing catch and catch. Till she reached a pitch dark patch of tall standing whispering trees. A group of men laughing and passing by stopped to see a young girl by herself standing by the tree.

She moved backward, adjusting her jacket. She tied her hair into a ponytail. The crowd of men walking toward her made her bump into a tree behind her. As they knelt in front of her and whispered, "You alone?", while the other mocked, "Of course, she is lost," she realized something was off.

But before she could scream a man jabbed a hand in her face. Her eyes widened as the memories flash in front of her stained with her blood. The tears soaked her face. Her hands searched for something to defend herself while others belittled her, "we will kill you if you scream!"

She felt a branch within her reach. With a jerk she lifted her body onto it, her foot flying in the man's face. Her heart drumming in her throat echoing in her ears. The man cursed before climbing onto the tree but her small size and weightlessness allowed her to climb further onto the dainty branches away from their reach.

A walking couple's stroller thuds against the cobblestone pavement near the tree. The men sense the presence of people around and run for their life while the branch that had been holding Selena snaps. She gives out a soft cry as her head hits the green grass. The tears rolled down onto the grass soaking into the rich soil.

By the time Amelia and Saad found her she had washed the tears off with water from the nearby water source. Her scratched hands shivering. Amelia was concerned to which she replied she was trying tree climbing. She wrapped her hands around her siblings who once were shorter than her as she led them out of the secluded area.

And when her mom asked her to start wearing a hijab she instantly agreed trying to find peace and safety in it. But a transgression doesn't require the doors being locked, which she realized as she hears the stories of the girls around her suffering silently but eventually managing to share their mortifying stories. She was still in denial. How can this happen to her?

With all the terrifying stories she has overheard from people or on the news she had started to question humanity. No amount of clothes wrapped around her seemed enough to protect her from the eyes of men. Losing her faith in men she became the first in her family to wear a hijab around her male cousins, including Nooran but her mom talked her out of it because of the casualness of her family and zany humor genes all her dad's side cousins have inherited. The art of masking the pain with humor was easy.

And years later when she finally accepts, her heart bleeds to death sobbing silently on the prayer mat in sujood. There was no end to the tears. Her hand flew to her chest where her heart pounded in agony. Her nails dug into her clothes, balling them in her fist. She is ready to narrate this tale.

Selena sighs as she stands up from the sofa. She is almost blackout and trips over her feet but catches Yelin's arm who grips her tightly helping her to stand up. Selena laughs at her clumsiness before walking up to the dice to grab the switched-off cordless mic. She taps the mic to confirm if it works before she begins. Amelia raises her thumbs in her direction which spends a wave of warmth on Selena's face.

"Assalam o Alikum everyone. I am Selena from Dubai Medical College for Girls. I am from the famous Pakistani School in this area. ", Selena emphasizes girls a little more and chuckles at the word famous. The crowd joins her knowing her sarcastic tone, "There are a million reasons why you should be obsessed with Taylor Swift. She is one of the reasons I survived to stand in front of you all. She sings,

"And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow
And it's alright now"

She pauses and walks to the front.

Taylor Swift again. Aariz pulls his mobile out and searches for the Taylor Swift quote she just spoke about. The lyrics of "The 1" pop up. As he reads the lyrics silently he feels blood flushing in his cheeks behind his mask.

"It's alright to bleed. It's alright to cry. You heal when you make peace with the past. I have suppressed my pain for as long as I can remember, remaining in denial. I buried myself into the books trying to find the real me. Where was she? She wasn't there in the high achievements. She wasn't there when there were dozens of certificates. She wasn't there in the books either. She was there across the border. The border between denial and acceptance that I am one of the women who have faced the brutality of men.", her voice whimpers. She lets her words settle among her audience. Her fingers wipe the lonely tears trying to escape her eyes.

Aariz freezes as if he has been shot right in his chest. He looks down at his shoes clenching his jaw. Her childhood plays like a reel in front of his eyes. Her perfect smile that faded away over the years. The grumpy person she turned into. Hyper-aware of people around her. Her refusal to shake hands. Her recent punch. Over the years Ihsan and Nooran learned to adjust to her. Initiating the conversations and cracking jokes. They started discussing their school lives with her explaining how they won the football. The way they would bunk classes and practice table tennis in the school gymnasium.

All this time. No one? No one knew?!

"I thought this would kill me from inside. It would erode my core. I was fake. I was nothing. I was not the person I portray. I thought I wouldn't make it out of high school. Gosh it was overwhelming!", she sniffs and blinks her eyes, "But I did. Everyone does! But!" she bends forwards and points her index finger outward, "there is a catch. When? When is the uncertainty factor involved in your equation to graduate."

Yelin stares at Selena's back. She can't see her face but she knows she is on the verge of breaking down. She never told her anything. Not a single word about her past. Her eyes move to Aariz who can't look up anymore. His eyes are closed tightly, his head resting in his hands.

"Let me tell you a secret. Not all of you are getting into the university this year. Notice how I say university and this year. Some of you might take a year gap but some of you might as well repeat the grade 13 because you didn't score that well. And that's okay! It's okay to do that. What is not okay is you giving up on your dreams and forsaking them just for the sake of getting into university.", She spots Amelia in the crowd and smiles. She could have pointed at Salah standing in the corner of the row if he hadn't angled the camera in her direction. Flash! Amelia, who had been making sure to click pictures of all the participants during their speeches, pauses putting her camera in her lap. She can feel the goosebumps crawl up her neck. Warren and Ishfaq, her ladies sitting beside her, glance in her direction to make sure she is okay but they know she isn't.

"Oh yeah I wanted to be a doctor but I didn't have enough marks... So I choose English because it's much easier. No! No way! You can't do that. You can't choose a major just for the sake of getting into university. Oh! I was supposed to be in so and so major but here I am!", she shrugs and bats her eyes at the crowd. The students laugh as she rolls her eyes.

Listening to the echoing laughter of the crowd Aariz looks up. His eyes follow her heels as she walks to and forth.

"Don't you ever dare give up on your dream! Amazing things take time to happen in the meanwhile enjoy the process. It is the journey that should be memorable not the outcome of it.", she bows a little with her hand on her chest before she walks up to the dice to place the mic in place.

A heavy burden has been lifted off Selena's shoulder. She collapses on the sofa beside Yelin who squeezes Selena's hand holding it for the remainder of the event. Selena's eyes stare at the speakers but her mind was thoughtlessly weaving words together.

I could've cried,
But I didn't.
I could've died.
But I didn't.
Time could've healed.
But it didn't.

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Dropping here the song mentioned in the chapter: