Jealousy, Where do I even begin? | tommyinnit angst

9... Missing you and me

I woke up to a warm glass of water on my bedside table. The bright sun shining right onto it, I sighed. I was tired, a yawn left my mouth. Ranboo slept over I guess, I saw him sleeping in the bed across from me. "Ranboo!" I whisper yelled. He must be a light sleeper because he instantly woke up. "Goodmorning!" I said as Ranboo rose from the sheets.

"Hi, Tommy." He groaned, tired as a cat.

It was silent from there. I was trying to think of what to say.

"I'm sorry." I looked at my hand, it was gripping onto Wilbur's white sheets. They were sweaty and shaky. Why am I so nervous?

"For what?"

I didn't know what to say. What do I say? What was I sorry for. "Uhm.. Uh-.." I hit my head impulsively, a loud thud.

"Hey hey hey- No! Stop it!" He rushed out of bed and held my hand softly, "Why are you hitting yourself?" He frowned.

I looked up with glassy pale eyes, I'm sure he could feel the texture on my wrist right now. He was probably staring at the tiger stripes that crossed them. He thinks im weak, there isn't enough is there. What if karl has more-

"Tommy?" He snapped me back into focus.

"I- Uhm.. What?" I genuinely forgot what he asked.

"You... Uhm." He paused and let go, "You need to rest, drink some water.. I'll- I'll go get you some more!" He paced off out of the room nervously, scared to here a reply. I couldn't blame him.

I stared at Wilbur's drawers. Opening them, only to reveal knifes and blades. Oh ha- he's messed up this time.

But then.. Then I have to wear short sleeve. And my arms will get worse and I won't be able to swim or wear the clothes I want. What if they see? I can't!

I picked up a small knife. Flashes of red beading blood popping up in my head. I'll be better than them all. I'll show them i'm the worst, not Wilbur, not Karl, not Tubbo. I'm the saddest, I need help. They need to take me seriously, they need to realize im the best. They need to see how fucked up I am. They need to know. I want them to know.

A glass shattered in front of me. "Tommy! No-?!" He screamed and ran over to me, swiping the knife away. He instantly started crying, "Please- Why?!" He cried.

I stared back at him, my jaw slightly dropped. "I-"

"I don't want you back in the hospital, Tommy!" He sobbed into my chest. I frowned, what am I doing?

..

"Are you... Gonna leave me?" I choked.

Ranboo lift his head up, "Wh- What?! No! Of course not?! Why?!!!" His voice shattered.

"What if you get tired of me.. I'm too sad all the time." I looked down at my arms.

"Tommy. I'd never just abandon you.. I wanna help." He hugged me.

I broke down into tears, "I'm so sorry." I hugged back.

We sat quiet for a minute, then talked it out. I told him everything. It actually was way better then I expected. He understood everything and was there for me. He wasn't mad.

"How about we go get breakfast?" He smiled softly.

"Okay.." I grinned back, "Thank you."

He nodded and grabbed my hand, carrying me to the kitchen. Karl had made pancakes, he knew Ranboo was over so he decided to be classy. "Eat up!" The brown haired boy smiled.

I started eating, without any guilt or any difficulty. The food was delicious, I talked to Ranboo and Karl the whole time. Tubbo was gone from the house. Probably for the better...

We spent the rest of the day playing boardgames, party games, and going places. It was super fun and the most fun I had had since I was out of the hospital. I missed smiling this much. I missed my friends.

But someone was missing me.