If We Have Each Other

Chapter 10

TW fantasies and questionable Google searches

"God, am I really developing a crush for him?" Logan asked himself. "I guess I am, normal friends don't get red every time they see each other and never want their conversation to end because they want to be around them all the time," Logan said to himself.

"So then does this mean I'm gay? Or bi? Or something else?" he wondered. He thought about the questions he had asked himself in Spanish class.

"Do I ever have the desire to see a woman naked?" Logan thought, cringing at the question his mind came up with. Logan took a deep breath, and let himself ask the questions he was thinking about all day.

"Do I like dick then?" He took a while to think about that. "I've never really considered it, but I've never fantasized about vagina before either," Logan thought. He pondered why he had never fantasized about it.

"What if I try it?" Logan thought. "Okay, I'll do it. I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right now." He closed his eyes, and he tried to imagine a woman naked, but he stopped.

"This feels so wrong, I can't do this. There's no way I'm doing that," Logan thought, disgusted with himself. But then, he heard a voice in his head.

"Now try it with a man," the voice said. Logan obeyed, took another deep breath, and started imagining a naked man in front of him. He didn't stop himself. He went closer. He examined its length and girth, and couldn't help but keep staring. Logan was in a trance. He looked at it, and got his face inches from it. Logan's breathing got heavier and his heart rate increased. Continuing to stare, Logan felt something poking in his pants. Pulling himself from his fantasies, Logan came back to reality with his newly found source of arousal.

Logan didn't know what to think. "Did I really get hard from that?" He didn't need to think of an answer, he was already well aware of it. Logan shifted his position, making the pressure from his nether regions a little more comfortable. Worried his dad might walk in and notice his pitched tent, he moved to his bed and laid on his stomach.

"If dad found me like this, I would never hear the end of it," Logan said to himself. "If I got hard by just imagining that, what would happen if I went a step further..." he thought.

"I can't do that, it's too risky."

"But why not try it? Incognito tabs exist," the voice in his head told him. Logan shook his head, cringing at the thought of going into that bottomless rabbit hole.

"I guess I could find out if I really like it," he thought. "I guess there's a first time for everything. I just want answers," Logan thought as he peeked in the hall to see what his dad was doing. He was sitting on the couch, watching something on TV, and snacking on a bag of chips.

"If I'm going to do it, this is my chance, I'm not going to get answers any other way," Logan thought, shivering. He sat down on his bed, and put his laptop next to him. He checked one more time to make sure his dad wasn't getting up anytime soon, and opened an incognito window.

He wasn't proud of what he was about to do. Taking several deep breaths, he slowly pressed each individual letter on the keyboard, eventually spelling out 'human penis.' Logan took several more deep breaths and hesitated for a long time, but a few minutes later, he had finally succumbed to pressing enter.

Logan mainly saw diagrams, and some occasional actual pictures. "A good slow start to things," he thought. The pressing on the front of his pants, however, was not slow. He went on the Wikipedia page, and looked at a real photo diagram of the stages of an erection. He felt his own erection increase, pressing harder.

Just as he was about to go further, he heard footsteps.

"Oh, shit," Logan frantically said to himself as he slammed his computer shut.

"Please don't come in my room," Logan said to himself, his bulge still clearly visible. Dealing with the fear of almost being caught, almost being outed, and his still full length in jeans was very uncomfortable. His dad walked past his door and went into the bathroom. Logan breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"I think that's enough for tonight," he told himself as he finally began receding, making the borderline pain more tolerable. Logan retired the day scrolling through Instagram, liking various posts, and saving a super cute cat post. An hour later, he turned off his phone and plugged it in for the night. Logan's alarm clock read 10:14. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, and came out a few minutes later. Logan put on the pajamas that he packed, and climbed into his bed.

"Why did I do this?" he thought. "I'm just a horny teenager who's questioning." A thought suddenly provoked him.

"Did Greyson do the same thing? I mean, it can't be completely out of the picture if he experienced the same things I'm experiencing. There's probably a good chance he did, but no one really talks about it, and I'm sure as hell not going to either." Logan continued to think as he lay awake.

"What would've happened if my dad walked in?" Logan stopped to ponder that.

"If he saw it he would probably just laugh it off, but what would he think if I was gay? He never showed his opinion of it, or at least not that I remember. What if I brought it up?" Logan asked himself.

"No, that would be too suspicious. Remember what Greyson said at lunch, give yourself some time and try not to worry about it." Logan took Greyson's advice, and instead thought about seeing Dallas tomorrow. Thinking about his cute face and his eyes when he smiled, Logan focused on these peaceful thoughts as he slowly drifted off into the peace of sleep.