The Cult [h.s]

~twenty eight~

She was so wise.

After I finish cleaning the kitchen I eat some fruits just so I have something in my stomach and then go back to my room. I read a book for an hour maybe then plop myself on my bed to take a nap so that after waking up I can go out in a fresh mood.

***

Waking up has become easy now, it's like my body has an automatic alarm in it and I wake up exactly when I am supposed to.

I wake up an hour prior to going out to the mall. I wash my face and just stare at my face for a complete five minutes. My face looks fresh and my hair is in a good mood today. When my hair is good, I just know that my day is gonna be best.

I grip my hands on the edge of the sink counter and just look at myself in the mirror.

Am I seriously about to do this?

Am I scared? A little bit. But should it bother me? Not much.

I just chant repeatedly in my head, 'I can do this. I need to get out more. Be myself more. It's easy'.

I look at myself one last time and then huff a breathe. I get out of the bathroom and walk to my closet to wear something. I search effortlessly through the hangers to find something suitable to wear. Summer is approaching soon and it's definitely hot outside but well in the evening the heat is little less and I am gonna stay inside the mall the whole time so heat wouldn't matter much.

My hands go towards a sleeveless shirt but I retract it quickly and go for a long sleeved one instead. I frown as my own thoughts interrupt me.

Deep down I know that I chose to wear a long sleeved outfit not because it would be cold out there but because I am still scared of eyes watching me, my body. I am scared to reveal so much part of my body even though it's just the arms. These are the exact reasons why I don't wear dresses anymore.

I finally decide to wear a long sleeved red patterned kurta with jeans. It's simple, traditional and fits perfectly. I haven't worn it in years so it sort of surprises me that it still fits me fine. I pair it up with metallic hanging earrings.  My ears would hurt for sure but who cares.

I check on the wall clock that it's almost 5:30 now so I need to get ready quickly. I keep my makeup minimal as always, putting on some sunscreen and lip balm. I press my lips together to apply equally on both the lips.

I pick up my sling bag and phone from the study table. Before exiting the room I slip on my shoes, turn off the lights and then walk down the stairs. While drinking some water in the kitchen, I quickly text Angana.

Me: i am leaving for the mall right now.

She doesn't respond. Maybe she is in the car or something. She often uses her phone during driving so I have strictly told her not to and once gave her a whole lecture on the consequences that might happen if she continues doing that. Maybe she listened to my words finally and stopped using her phone in the car.