Beautiful Mistakes

Thirteen

"I did take her place only because she asked me to." She cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "And you bring that up every time, you torture me, mentally and sometimes physically." That took me aback but she didn't stop. "You say things to me, like if my mother dropped me when I was little, but when you were doing a background check on me, you forgot to see that she died a long time ago. I would at least have felt her love if I ever knew her. She didn't even get to hold me and you dare to insult her like that?" There was no stopping her now, so I let her vent.

"If you want to kill me, just kill me. I can't take this any longer." She folded her hands together, pleading. "If you plan to hold me here for the rest of my life, just kill me and end it right here. To be honest with you, I'm tired. You've robbed me of my peace. You stole me life away from me. Now my job, what else will you take? I don't have any money to offer you, I would have given you all my money just so you would let me be at peace. So please, I beg of you, kill me now if you want to." She fell on her knees to the floor and cried out. I wanted a challenge but why didn't it feel like I won? I should be satisfied that she was begging in front of me. But for some reason, I felt like a jerk. Then it clicked, she was playing the guilt card on me, nice one miss Lawal. But you won't win, not this time.

"I'm not going to kill you," I muttered lowly and her head shot up, her eyes were red and tears swam in them. "If I had a heart or any emotions, I would have considered letting you go, but no. I mean it when I say I don't give two shits about you. You'll die everyday, you haven't begged me for your life, you'll beg me everyday to just end it. But no, because you're Mrs Sanders now and I can't murder my own wife can I?" My lips raised into a smirk.

"Save your energy and your tears as well. It will be much needed later. Your emotional drama won't work on me. You're Camilla Sanders now, you're mine. And you'll be until the day you die." I let my lips form every word so it would resonate in her ears later.

"Then I hope that I die soon." And she left my study. When the door closed behind her, I threw another random vase at the door. I punched the nearest object to me. She always made me angry.

********

Later that evening, after spending three hours punching the dummy, I went to my room and found her sleeping. She looked so troubled and it strangely tugged at my heart to see her like that. Come on asshole, you basically turned her to that. My subconscious mind jeered and I rolled my eyes. I found my legs moving towards her. When I got close enough, I squatted and watched her for a bit and she was saying something.

"Cara, I'm so scared here." I felt that strange heart thing again and I clenched my fists. She repeated over and over and a lone tear rolled out of her eye and I caught it, wiping it away lightly. Was I really causing her so much pain? The answer is yes. She shifted a little at my contact and I quickly withdrew my hand. When she didn't wake up, I kept watching her like a creep.

I spent three hours down there, and with every passing minute, it made me angry that I didn't mean anything I said to her. About her dying and not letting her go. I desperately wished I could take it all back. I didn't think before saying all that. She seemed nice and the more I looked into her eyes, the more my resolve weakened. I felt that she was saying the truth. But I would rather hold on to the fact that she did it in the first place. Because if I let myself slip and I start liking her, it would not end well for anyone. I will have to let her go, eventually. And that was the part I didn't like.

And I wanted to hate her, I have reasons to. I wanted to cause her pain because I can never make anyone happy. Not her or anyone else. Anger surged through me again, why was I thinking that she could be innocent? I could tell a lie from a truth and my mind wrestled with me this time because I would rather not accept the truth. She only disrupted my life, why was I feeling sorry for her?