Somnolence - III *Editing*

A goodnights sleep: I loved, I learned & I accepted.

2020 - Fourth of July, when I realized I was never going to be me in their eyes.
Sitting on his porch, smoking a cigarette and leaning over the rail.. "you should probably back up, you might fall." I looked back at him feeling indifferent. Falling didn't matter. I had already fallen, fallen deep deep into an abyss that never ended. I didn't think I'd ever find the surface of it. Falling over the rail, was the last of my concerns.

I only laughed. I knew I wasn't going to die any time soon, my time of suffering wasn't close to over yet. Each lesson more painful than the next. Each thing I thought I had already grieved over, was analyzed again.

2021 - A lesson I would've loved to learn sooner.
The most important thing I've learned, though, is that unconditional love is really conditional. Some people don't want to be understood. Some people aren't made to be understood. They are there to make you understand yourself.

You are the encompassment of people and things you've loved. Every piece of energy and shared moment, creates you. Nurture it, teach with it and learn from it. Be okay with it. That's how you grow, that's how you learn to truly appreciate yourself, and everything around you.

2022 - The pain of living aka, having tea with my demons.
Whenever my friends would point out that I looked happy, I looked like I was glowing and radiated a peaceful- centered aura, was when I was spending time taking care of myself.

Something I said a lot during these conversations is how my existence is high maintenance, and if I fail to do my ritual everyday, I will begin to unravel at every seam until I am no longer sewn together.

Break it
Break the cycle
Or loose yourself in it.

Projection is a horrible habit.
It's okay to surrender to love. You've unpacked the luggage, now it's time to put the suitcase away. You don't have to keep carrying it around anymore.

And now I will let myself rest, for I have been tired far too long.

Goodnight