Secret || Abby Littman

Chapter 10

TW Mentions of suicide

I think I'm gonna do it. I think I'm gonna confess to Abby. I don't know where this is coming from. It's just everyone is getting their happy endings. Well not everyone, just Marcus, and I want that too. So I'm going to  do it. If she rejects me, sure it'll hurt but in the end at least I'll know where I stand. 

We're in English and as usual Mr Git is being an asshole. He's talking about the n-word and keeps glancing at Ginny, and then he outright calls her out. My eyes widen in shock. What the hell? Ginny stands up and walks out of class. I hope she's ok. I might not like her but no one deserves that.

After school I see Abby and she's by herself so I take that as my chance. "Hey, Abby." She smiles at me and I almost melt. "Hi, Cass." I sit beside her. "Waiting for someone?" "My mum, she's a bit late." I nod. "Did you know?" I look at her confused. "About Ginny and Marcus?" My eyes widen but I nod. "Max found out." I wince. "That's unfortunate." She nods. "Anyways, did you need something?" It's now or never.

"I've been in love with you since freshman year." Both our eyes widen as we both realise what I just said. I can't believe I did that. She looks at me with  the widest eyes. We're both just frozen. "You know what? I was just kidding. Forget I said that." "Cassie?" I look at her. "What?" "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll ever feel that way for you. I hope we can still be friends." 

I look at her for a few seconds and then I slowly shake my head. "I don't think I can be friends with you." She looks at me shocked. "What? So you're giving me an ultimatum? Either love you back or you're not in my life at all?" I look at her shocked unable to form words. "That's so selfish of you Cassie. You're just gonna ditch me without thinking of how it'll affect me?" I gape.

"All I've ever done is think about you. Now I'm finally thinking about myself. My heart can't take just being friends with you. My feelings for you are rapidly growing and I can't stop them. I understand that you don't have feelings for me and I can't fault you for that, I just don't want to keep hurting myself by remaining your friend." She glares at me. "You're a bitch, Cassie." I sigh. I guess my dad was right. I am unloveable. 

I run to Blue Farm Cafe because there's only one person I want to see. I run in and he's talking to Georgia and Ellen. I walk up to them. "Joe?" I'm trying very hard to keep it together but he sees right through me. He walks around the counter and wraps his arms around me as a little sob comes out of my mouth. He leads me away from the inside of the cafe and takes me into the storage room. "I'm sorry."

He looks at me confused. "For what?" "For ruining your life." Another sob comes out of my mouth and he hugs me tigher. "It's what I do, I ruin people's lives. I ruined mum's life cause she had me. Then I killed her cause she was only in that car cause she went to get me ice cream. I ruined dad's life cause I killed mum. I ruined Harry's life because his best friend killed himself because of me. I ruined your life because you got stuck taking care of me. Now, I'm ruining Abby's life because I won't be friends with her because she doesn't love me back. I'm selfish. Everyone would be better off if I was dead." 

I try to catch my breath as I sob and I'm sure most of the cafe can hear me but I don't even care at this point. Joe grabs my face. "Ok, first of all, you are not the reason your mum or your dad are dead." "Dad told me it was my fault." His eyes widen. "What?!" "Before dad pulled the trigger, he looked at me and told me it was always gonna be my fault." The tears come out faster as I remember that day. The sound of the gun shot. His body dropping to the floor.

"Hey!" I look at Joe. "It wasn't and will never be your fault. Your dad made his choice and your mum was always going to leave the house whether you wanted ice cream or not. Before she crashed, I had called her and asked her to sign for a delievery for me cause I couldn't do it. And as for Harry, he's a dick so whatever he thinks doesn't matter. And you never ruined my life, in fact you made it better. I love you more than anyone on this earth. You are quite literally my favourite person ever so how could you have ruined my life?" 

He tucks my hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead. "These are dangerous feeling you've been harbouring. You are not better off dead and if you died I would never recover, neither would Marcus. You are so worthy of life and you have so many people that love you and you brighten up so many people's lives. You need to know that you can talk to me about anything. I love you, Sandra." I smile weakly. "I love you, Joe." I hug him then he looks at me. "Now, what's this about Abby?" I sigh. "I'm in love with her, she's not in love with me, so I told her I couldn't be friends with her and she got mad." 

Joe nods. "Unrequited love. Hurts like a bitch, doesn't it." "You speaking from experience?" "You know rest stop girl? I found her." I smile. "That's amazing." "It's newly engaged to the mayor, Georgia Miller." My smile drops. "I'm sorry, Joe."  He shrugs. It's ok kid. You win some, you lose some." We go back out to the cafe and Georgia and Ellen look at me in concern. "Are you ok, sweetheart?" I smile. "Yeah, just had a terrible day. I'll live." 

I leave and go get ready for "Sing, sing." When I get there, I sit in between Marcus and Ellen. Ellen smiles at me. "Glad to see you're feeling better." I smile and nod.  Marcus looks at me. "Are you ok?" "I told Abby, she didn't feel the same. I told her I couldn't be friends with her cause it was hurting me, and now she hates me." He sits there shocked for a few seconds then puts an arm around me. 

"She's an idiot but hey, you've still got me and I'm not going anywhere." I lean on him. "Thank you." The curtains open and Max is singing. She's such a star. When she finishes her family and I wave our hands in the air like clapping for the deaf. Marcus whispers something about going to the bathroom and I realise I kinda gotta go too so I go with him. 

We get to the hallway and MANG + Hunter are standing there. People are crying and I feel like I've interrupted a moment. Marcus of course is clueless and tells them he's just going to the bathroom until Max tells him she knows about him and Ginny.

He freezes. That makes Max mad that he's not gonna deny it. She starts bombarding him with questions whether they're dating or in love and Marcus tells them it was a mistake. I facepalm when I see Ginny's face drop. Then Max looks at me. "Did you know?" 

I nod. "So you lied to me?" "Not specifically. You never asked." "But you kept it from me?" "Max, look we're friends but he's my best friend and he told me not to tell anyone. So I didn't." Max scoffs then Hunter starts walking away. Ginny tries to stop him but Hunter starts ranting about how great he was to her, and how she didn't deserve him. 

Then he moves on to dissing Marcus wondering why she's throwing it all away for Marcus. I must say I do feel bad for the guy. Hunter then walks up to Marcus. Marcus tries to apologize but before he can get a sentence out, Hunter punches him. I immediately grab him before he falls. 

"God! Ok. Ow! I have a concussion, asshole." Max turns to leave. "I'm in the next act." I turn my attention away from them and focus it on Marcus. He stands up and I check his eye. Next thing I know Max and Norah are gone and so is Abby. Marcus tries to Ginny but she tells him that Padma was right and he was only ever gonna hurt her. She storms away and I hug him trying to comfort him. After the play, I go home and sleep. I'm so tired of everything.

The end until Season 2