Bait & Hook

32. Realisations

I went directly to Frank's office when I arrived, knocked on his open door and asked, "Anything yet on Mr Dunstrom?"

He looked up from his morning coffee. "Yes, far more than sufficient to convince. He was recently reappointed to the CIMA Ethics and Compliance Board."

"What's that?"

"The Chartered Institute of Management Accountants internal policing system. Among other things, they review and investigate complaints."

"Aha! He'd be there to dismiss them."

Frank gave me a quizzical look as he shook his head. "No, they have to stand down if they receive one."

"But complaints about his colleagues? He can influence those."

"We asked for reports on all six of them. All as squeaky clean as Dunstrom and –"

"What? Squeaky clean? So, what's his game?"

"None."

"None? What do you mean, none?"

"Just that. He's completely honest and foursquare. A paragon in the industry, honoured as a Fellow of the CIMA, it says in the report. He's nothing but an honest and highly respected widower looking for romance." Frank shrugged. "Flagged because his profile triggered so many of our keywords."

"Oh, God. And I did that. I'm not fit for this job."

"We both did it, Rosario. I completely agreed with your assessment, as would have anyone else following our procedures and guidelines."

"Yeah." Oh, dear God! What have I done to Xander? He'll see me as deceitful. Too late to rescue, to –

"We'll have to rewrite some of them. That can be a project for you since you're so familiar with how this evolved."

"Ummm, yeah. I can begin that now and continue tomorrow. I'd like to take my overtime in kind today, rather than with pay. Two hours yesterday and four hours the night before."

"Six hours." Frank nodded. "You can leave at eleven, then. Have you the expense claim from yesterday?"

I winced as I patted my blazer pocket. "Receipts only. I'll fill the form and submit it before I go. You're not going to like it, though – playing a wealthy widow doesn't come cheap."

Then after Frank had shared my wince, I sat in my cubicle reviewing the guidelines, wondering how to change them to prevent another cuck-up, my thoughts increasingly drifting to Xander. Finally, fully distracted, I stopped reading. Need to message him. Explain. Then pull the pin to not hurt him further.

After so many failed attempts, I managed to craft a reasonable one and posted it.

        Dearest Xander;
        I've been deceitful. I'm not who I pretended to be.
        Please forgive me for the hurt I've caused.
        So sorry to have led you on. I'm not worthy of you.
        R.

Papá was right. Deceit and dishonesty hurt.

Hope the pain I feel is deeper than I've caused for Xander.

What have I done to that wonderful man? Oh, God! So wonderful. But it's too late. I've blown my chance with him. Completely blown it.

With a deep sigh, I went back to reading the guidelines, keeping an eye on his avatar to watch for him to come online. See when the message shows read.

Can't delete the account until I know he's seen it.