Death & Tequila [mxm]

28. Una Vida

"Toni... please..."  He pleaded.

Toni's lips found his throat again and left a trail of wet kisses.  "I do love hearing you beg."

"Toni."

However, Toni didn't give him what he wanted.  "You're pushing me away, mi sol, and putting up your walls."

His kisses reached the base of his neck. Toni opened his mouth and bit the exposed skin.  He was rewarded with a strangled moan from Jaiden.

A small laugh escaped him, his lips vibrating on Jaiden's sensitive skin.  "I won't allow you to close yourself off."

Jaiden shuddered under his hold. "Toni... I can't think straight..."  his words were heavy with desire.

Toni's head dipped down and kissed Jaiden's collarbone and heaving chest. "Figure it out because I need you to tell me what's wrong."

Jaiden's eyes were closed as he savored the feeling.  "Fuck me first..."

Toni shook his head subtly.  "No, mi sol. You will talk to me.  And if you don't tell me, I will have to guess proactively."

Jaiden hated how his confidence fluctuated like he was connected to a goddamn bungee cord. He was vocal when he was confronting Xavier or telling off Billy.  But now, he was struggling with his words, too scared to speak up.

When Jaiden didn't say anything, Toni nestled his lips on Jaiden's neck again and decided to prod a little. "Was it how Xavier—"

Jaiden stiffened, and Toni swore he heard a growl rumbling in his chest.

"Don't say his fucking name." He said darkly.

Toni was startled by the reaction.  "So you're mad about Xavier?"

Jaiden glared at Toni and twisted his arms, breaking from Toni's grasp.  He used his weight and the element of surprise to pivot and turn, forcing Toni to exchange positions with him.  Now Toni's back was pressed against the wall, but he didn't look perturbed.

"That bastard can go fuck himself for all I care." Jaiden said harshly, letting his anger slip through.

Toni smiled softly.  "I'm sorry for what he said about Carlos. He had no right to do that."

Jaiden's jaw twitched.  "It's not your fault that he's a piece of shit.  You handled it anyway..."  He took a deep breath. "But as appreciative as I am, I would much rather you didn't mention your exes while kissing me.

Toni chuckled. "You're jealous?" 

This only drew out a disdainful scoff from Jaiden. 

Toni's lips brushed against Jaiden's neck like velvet. "So it's not jealousy that's eating away at you." 

Jaiden felt Toni sigh into the crook of his neck, where he rested his forehead.  "I know it will take time to tell me about the hidden pieces of your past. I won't push you, but I hope you will let me have your todays and tomorrows. That includes what you're feeling right now... so please talk to me."

Jaiden's mind was reeling, trying to figure out how to explain what he was feeling. He felt the pain of knowing that there was a possibility that this could end.

Why didn't he realize that Denver was such a great career opportunity? Was he too passive and never thought that Toni was serious about Colorado, so he ignored it? Did he treat it too lightly and give feeble excuses? Toni always joked that he had reasons to stay in New Mexico, but why was the offer still open? Why did Xavier come and bring it up today?

He heaved out a shaky breath out. Could he interfere with Toni's future in Denver? Could he somehow provide a better one here?

But then he remembered Valeria's words when he first told her about Toni. The fear of the pain is worse than the pain itself... He never wanted to break his own heart, but there must still be a chance as long as he tried.  And if he was shattered in the process, then so be it.