Letting Go | Bucky Barnes

6 | Friday, June 4th

I feel a jolt beside me and open my eyes, turning to where Bucky lays on his back, eyes closed and panting.

Shit.

It's okay.

You can do this.

I shut my eyes and focus, searching for his string of consciousness. When I find it, I grab it gently and pull myself into him, gut-churning at the images of violence that pass through my mind. With a slow breath in, I pull him away from his nightmare and place him into the memory that calms him; him and Steve, riding the merry-go-round at Coney Island. When I feel him relax, I gently release his consciousness and blink a few times, letting the darkness of the room envelop me. I let out a breath and watch as his breathing returns to a slow rhythm.

Over the last few months, I've been working with Doctor Strange, Shuri, and even some of Wakanda's knowledge keepers to learn about my dream walking. None of them had exact answers for me because what I experience is different from what they know—with Strange's knowledge coming Eldritch magic, and Wakanda's from a mixture of stories of Bast, the Heart-Shaped Herb, and their scientific advancement. Combining their knowledge, however, gave me a better grasp of what was happening, and how to control it. I learned I don't have to be asleep to slip into people's dreams, and that when I'm there, I can control what they see.

I started experimenting with Shuri after she volunteered to let me walk in her dreams to practice. She saw it as an opportunity for herself to learn about my abilities, as well as dreams in general; why we dream, how we can learn to shape our dreams, even what technology she could design to study dreams. Her mind was always turning, always coming up with questions.

She had me practice creating scenarios within her dream, pulling up memories, seeing if we could interact. The latter is a complicated question. She designed a test where I would slip into her dream and tell her a codeword, and we would see if she remembered what the word was when she woke up. What we realized is, like any other dream, what you see and hear can slip away easily. With more research, we found that what a person remembers of their dream depends on when they wake during their sleep cycle, therefore, dream-chat is not a reliable form of communication.

When I became confident enough that I could slip into someone's mind when they were sleeping and not fuck anything up, I brought up an idea to Bucky: to influence his mind to stop him from having nightmares. He was hesitant at first—he didn't want me to see what he's done, especially after what happened the first time I dream walked, but he eventually agreed.

His nightmares had started happening more frequently over the winter—caused according to Renner, by his elevated stress levels. Thankfully, Wakanda seemed to help as well; I've only stopped his nightmares four times. Five counting tonight's.

We decided that anytime he has a nightmare, I would put him into a memory of him from his childhood, where he wasn't stressed or scared or hurting anyone. Just him and Steve, spinning round and round, smiling and laughing on painted wooden horses.

He's told me that the dream will morph, sometimes to them running around the fair, playing games, or getting on rides, sometimes to a different dream completely, but every time, the nightmare isn't even a whisper at the back of his mind.

I look over to the side table, reading the time on the clock.

6:12 AM.

I shut my eyes, wondering if I could get back to sleep, but after ten minutes of lying there, I gently push myself up. Bucky doesn't move as I crawl off the bed, but Alpine's head pops up from his pillow, letting out a quiet trill. I shush her quietly, and her head drops back down, burrowing her face into Bucky's hair again. I pull a pair of sweatpants from the dresser and slip them on before sneaking out of the room.