Dark Park is a sequel to Scrubber-Town, but if anything is worse than its next door suburb. There are more cat fights, vandalism, especially by the Spite Club Girls, grafitti and bad behaviour in general, particularly emanating from the Dark Park
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Hi Scrubber Towners, Stace and I luv, luv, luv being roving reporters, not least because it means that we're first to find out news. And today, readers, we have some earth-shattering news to share with you. Well, we think it's earth shattering, because Whitney Wells, who works with me at War Paint, tells us that she's getting married-again.
Yes, she was almost married about a year and a half ago, when she was barely nineteen. Do you remember that fiasco on the beach at the Around the World Resort? It was a stinking hot February day and Whit had decided to marry a used-car salesman called Ron Pond. He was from Dark Park, but Whit had met him on a Pacific Cruise. He was old, well, about 10 years older than Whit and he had the mother from hell called Roz.
She was bossing everyone around, shouting and even pushing people over, including poor old Kara-Lyn. She continually had a can of beer in her hand and tried to outdo her creepy son and his friends in the drinking stakes. To us, it was all very funny, but Whit was in tears most of the time and then she thought she might be pregnant. Thank goodness she wasn't. Anyway, she and Ron got as far as the start of the vows, when this blonde chick turned up with her friends and accused Ron of being married to her.
The wedding had to be stopped and Whit had a complete melt-down. She collapsed and had to be carried up to the nearby Around the World hospital. By the way, Whit had only known Ron for about six weeks.
Anyway, Ron left the scene and couldn't be found anywhere. Then everybody was hooking up with everybody else and there was a huge, wild beach party with plenty of gate crashers. The blonde chick turned out to be Ava Arthur, who was a well known WAG on social media. Youse probably know that WAG means-a wife or girlfriend of a top sports star. Her boyfriend, Aaron Ackland, a famous footballer, had cheated on Ava with her best friend and in her distress, she went to a Gold Coast bar, where she was staying at the time, and got very drunk. During the evening she started spilling her troubles to Ron Pond who was at the next table, and as a way of comforting her, he said she should get married to him, not some cheating bastard like Aaron. Somehow, they found out that there was a celebrant at the bar, and as all three were shit-faced, he married them on the spot.
We thought that Whit would never get over the events from that day, but WTF, she's lining up for it again. Whit, we didn't even know you were going out with anyone seriously. Usually, you're only too happy to blab about who you're dating. You and your best friend and co-worker Britnee, try to outdo each other.
The bloke in question is called Johnno and he's the twin brother of Jacko, who was one of the ambos involved in pulling up their vehicles, with patients in each one, to discuss a Christmas Party. Also, for having put reindeer antlers on their ambulances. The case is about to go to court. Jacko is rumoured to be even more idiotic than his brother. So, what's up Whit? Are you pregnant this time for real?
One of her reasons, she explained, is showing Guy Bligh, the drummer with the Raving Lunatics, that she's popular with blokes and can get anyone she wants. Whit wears her heart on her sleeve for Guy. She even has a tattoo on her upper arm with a heart and an arrow passing through it, bearing the letters W and G. Honestly Whit, Guy hardly knows you exist and to put it bluntly, wouldn't care. But Whit insists that he's really into her, and just has to realise it. She's been trying to get him to notice her for the past two years.
Why can't you enjoy being single and play the field? That's what Stace and I are doing. Why be tied down? We tell her this out of our luv and friendship for her, but she's not listening and doesn't want to know.
When Dr Una found out, she said Whit's reason for getting married is the worst one in the world and is a recipe for disaster. We often think that Dr Una exaggerates, but this time we think she might be right.
Whit is having a hen party next week, but it's at her house, cos her mum says it will save money. If it's anything like the last hen's party for her then up-coming wedding to Ron Pond (also at her home) it will be awful. We'll have to sit around watching B-grade rom-coms and Whit's mum Wendy will be joining in everything, acting like she's also 20. There will be a few snacks; popcorn and nuts and crappy lollies from Nutters and Rotters. The only thing that saved the night last time, were the crates of champagne, supplied by a friend of a friend of Wally's, who's Whit's dad. Next morning though, Wendy woke us all up early to take us out to breakfast at the Stuff-Ya-Face Cafe. Hardly anyone could eat, as we were all completely wasted from the night before.
Maybe Stace and I can come down with the flu on that evening.
We'll be sure to up-date youse as events happen.
See yah and luv yah,
Lacey and Stacey.xxx
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