Summer '09 - H.S

20

𝕝𝕦𝕟𝕒 𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕣
꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱
･:*:･｡☆･:*:･｡☆

The pounding headache and the never-ending thoughts in my head were too much for me to bear.

I couldn't seem to get rid of the terror from my mind. Something horrible was going to happen to me, I had a feeling. I had the feeling that I wasn't safe.

Can you blame me for being scared? I couldn't stop crying for some reason, despite being utterly numb as usual.

I just felt like a side character in my own story once more. When is the universe going to give me a break?

I can't seem to stop the night from repeating itself, and I'm still baffled about how I ended up there. I have no recollection of it, which is terrifying.

I wish I could feel safe. I wish there my head was silent. However, the universe was punishing me for everything I had done. Just because I'm a Perez,

Being a Perez has always been a curse for me.

That's why I've always had the idea that happiness wasn't for me because I came from a family of drug addicts and was slowly becoming into one myself.

I had no idea they used to be part of a fucking mafia. That my parents were involved in unlawful, dangerous shit astounds me. They were members of a fuckin' mafia.

That's a big deal.

I couldn't get the thought out of my head about it.

I was taken aback when Giovanni said those things to me. Everything seemed frigid and ineffective. But the pain was no longer my adversary. It was one of my closest friends. Every day, I go through a different form of Pain.

It had become a part of my routine.

Every day, molly after molly, I torment myself. Because in my insane, shattered mind, I believe I am responsible for everything horrible that has happened to me, even all of the suffering and mistreatment I have received due to my biological parents' mistakes.

Even though I was adopted and changed into a Miller, Perez is still present in my blood.

Harry now knows that the Millers aren't my biological family. Who knows what that man knows about me and what he can do with me.

I don't trust him anymore.

I have no idea what he's capable of, what he can do to myself, my family, or even Jeni.

"You're so fucking stupid," I shout at myself as I stare in a mirror. "Look at you; you're a useless piece of garbage." I laugh.

As I stroked my hair and ran my hands over my body, which was covered in Harry's clothes, I couldn't help but chuckle.

I wish I could describe the pain I'm experiencing, but no one understands. I'm not sure why I'm reacting the way I am,

I'm just a fucking idiot. And insignificant.

I've seen who I've become as I stare at my reflection. I'm just a messy mold of old memories, with new challenges and concerns for the future.

I wish I could be normal as if nothing had happened. I take a deep breath and adjust my hair, letting it fall from my bun wiping away my tears. "I've got it."

As I smiled, tears streamed down my face. "There's no need for me to cry; I'll be fine... you're annoying Luna."

I rubbed my eyes and brushed away my tears, placing my hands on the dresser. "Fuck," I sniff, wiping my eyes once again before staring at myself in the mirror.