𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒

𝐅𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐲-𝐅𝐢𝐯𝐞|Trauma

Turns out there was a lot more shit that I needed to do with my company than expected. I guess that's what happens when you go missing for months.

Because of the amount of work I had to, I arrived home late. When I walked inside the house, it was quiet and empty.

Goosebumps crawled up my arm as the cold air brushed against my skin. I walked quietly up the stairs. The only thing I could hear was my heavy breathing and pounding heart.

I don't like this.

"Ace?" I call out, walking closer to our room. The light was on so he must be home.

Shivers shocked down my spine and an unpleasant feeling swirled around in my stomach. My gut was telling me something was wrong. But what?

"Ace?" I call out again when I don't hear a reply from him. 

The door handle felt cold against my skin as I twist it open slowly, "Ac-"

My heart stops. My breathing stops. My mouth feels dry. My throat feels constricted. My eyes widen. My hands start to tremble.

I can't breathe.

It's suffocating.

"Ace." I barely get out, slowly walking into the room with caution. That broken whisper settled in the air between us.

Sitting at the edge of our bed is him. Head in his hands, hanging lowly. Eyes closed. Hands shaking.
—
A gun pressed to his forehead. Finger on the trigger.

"Please leave." He whispers hoarsely. He doesn't move from his position. Instead he presses the gun further into his forehead.

No no no no.

"A-Ace, please put the gun down." I whisper, struggling to get air into my lungs.

Had I not come in, would he have pulled the trigger?

Tears blur my vision at the sight of the love of my life. He can't leave me.

"Leave." He says a bit louder. It was more like a demand. Not a request.

He's crazy if he thinks I'm leaving him like this. He needs to know that I'll fight for him. He needs to know that he isn't alone. That I'm here for him.

I walk over to him slowly and let out a shaky breath, "Please, Ace." I beg him, dropping to my knees in front of him. 

He shakes his head continuously, "Get out." He demands, his voice weak and rough.

Mi amor..

I brush my fingers over his knee and he jerks back slightly. His body tenses and his breathing picks up. I immediately move my hand away as tears fall down my cheeks at the sight of his broken state.

I've known him for years but not once have I seen him like this. I hate that he was suffering with his thoughts alone. The thought of him being so helpless that he'd get such ideas breaks my heart.

Your mind is a scary place.

"Please. Please, leave. For the love of God!" He pleads desperately.

"I'm not going anywhere. Come here," I whisper quietly, sitting in front of him and looking up at him.

It hurts seeing him like this. I don't ever want to see him like this again.

"I c-can't. He's here. The belt."

He shakes his head. His chest rises and falls rapidly. His grip around the gun tightens. Like he's afraid of letting it go. Like it's the only thing that will end his suffering. The only thing that would help him escape.

"I want it to end." He choked out, his voice tainted with anguish.

I need you here.

More tears spill out of my eyes as I reached up to him. This time he didn't pull away so I gripped the gun and threw it to the side. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my neck.

I bit my bottom lip, suppressing my cries when I felt a dose of wetness on my neck, "Listen to my voice." I whisper to him, wrapping my arms around him.

He lurched as he struggled to inhale air. I squeezed him tighter. When I rubbed his back, he jerked away from my touch.

Then his words from earlier replayed in my head like a broken record.

He's here. The belt.

The belt.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the realisation dawns upon me.

Many kids who suffer from abuse don't like to be touched, but when Ace was spiralling out, he couldn't get close enough to me. Like he wanted to crawl inside my head where he knows it's  safe. 

"He has no control over you," I hugged him close, whispering into his hair, "We're free. It's just us."

"It hurts." He chokes out.

I squeeze my eyes shut, crying harder. "Hold onto me. Just hold onto me."

His body shakes as he cries harder. My heart breaks more and more for the broken man in my arms.

If I could take his pain away I would without a second thought. No one deserves to go through this.

He doesn't deserve this.

I kiss the top of his head with trembling lips. I become the thing holding him as he crumbles to pieces. I become the comfort he surrenders to.

"I'm here. I'm here, my love."

His body stops shaking slightly and I breathe a sigh of relief. I look down at him and stroke his messy brunette hair as I lay us down on the floor gently. I lean my forehead against the top of his head and hold him tighter as though he would slip away if I let him go.

I almost lost him. The feeling in my chest tightens. Especially when the wetness on my neck doesn't dry up as quick as I wanted it to.

ngl I cried while writing this.

also please know that I am not trying to romanticise this topic in any way. never have and never will.

know that you are not alone and please reach out to any trusted person for help.

I love you all <3

(dms are open, loves)