What If Instead Of...

4 Aiden

She slowly approaches my face again, but this time I voluntarily reciprocate her.

Why chase an illusion if I already have a person who worries about and supports me?

While we make out passionately, Carine unbuttons her jacket, clearly hoping for more.

I want to have sex with her to forget about Vivian.

More precisely, I want to want to.

But I can't.

"You're not her," I whisper bitterly.

"What?" the girl exclaims rudely.

I don't know what Vivian did to me.
I suspected those green eyes would drown me in themselves.
I'm bewitched, I belong to her alone with every cell.

From Carine I always expect an instant effect, with Vivian I want to prolong the pleasure. With her, I want every moment to last forever, with Carine, I want everything to end as soon as possible, so she can leave.

Isn't that the answer to my doubts?

"Get off me. Go have a drink and dance with your friends."

Carine makes another attempt to touch my cheek with her palm, but I manage to intercept her hand.

"I said no," I warn through the clenched teeth.

She makes a sarcastic grimace and quickly returns to her seat.

"You know what's funny?"says the girl, buttoning her jacket, "Only a blind man would not have noticed how Vivian and Leo look at each other. It's obvious to everyone that they form a perfect couple.
I think they've already slept together. Perhaps they are having sex right now while you are so nobly and selflessly trying to be faithful to her."

What is she talking about?

No, no, no, no, I won't let her get into my head.

Leo would never do that to me, and neither would Vivian, no matter how offended she is at me right now.

I clench my hand, which is not visible to Carine, into a fist trying not to show any reaction to the provocation at all costs.

The girl defiantly turns her face to me, while I pretend to look through the windshield.
She chuckles with a bitter smile.

"I hope she never comes back to you," Carine abruptly opens the door, "And you will die alone."

The bitch quickly moves away, while I fold my hands in front of me, as if in prayer, and touch them with my lips, closing my eyes, in an attempt to calm down.

I don't know how many times I have to remind myself that Carine is a girl and I can't physically harm her, but after a while I manage to negotiate with the raging monster inside.

However, immediately after one internal tornado gives way to another.

Leo and Vivian.

Am I really that blind if I don't see a hint of their mutual sympathy?

I was only glad when I saw that the girl is comfortable with my friend, that she trusts him, and this can play into my hands.

Leo mentioned a couple of times that he had a girlfriend in another city.

Either the long-distance relationship didn't work, or Vivian can charm anyone, even the most devoted man. Which, of course, I don't doubt - just look at her!
If she realized all her possibilities, the world would be in danger.

The thoughts and doubts that come into my head just drive me crazy.

Perspiration has formed on my forehead, which I casually wipe off with a slightly shaking hand – either from anger, or from fear that all the worst assumptions may be true.