What If Instead Of...

4 Aiden

Well, that's what happened again.

Another person dear to me decided to leave my life.

I watch Vivian walking away and I can't move to catch up with her and tell her everything without concealment.
Maybe if she understands what drove me, she won't leave?..

Damn, it's like I'm paralyzed.

All I hope is that in such an unconscious state I won't start crying in front of everyone on the street, like a schoolgirl ditched by her shit of a boyfriend in the middle of a party.

Vivian's words still echo in my head.

The harder I try to get her back, the more fierce she becomes.

She feels how deep she's penetrated my skin.
The girl knows that she can do whatever she wants with me, say whatever she wants - I'll crawl to her anyway.

And she's damn right.

Ethan's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, dude, what are you standing here for? People are staring at you."

I look around and see that a crowd has gathered around - they came running to look at the show.

Fucking vultures.

It seems Ethan just left the club and didn't see Vivian and me.
At least someone is not aware of my shameful failure.

"I just said I'm already leaving, and they think it's pathetic," I lie to the guy.

"The party has just started - of course they think you're a jerk," he answers.

"I have unfinished business, I'll see you tomorrow," I say abruptly and immediately head to the car so that he doesn't have time to utter a word.

My mind is clouded, like I'm in a terrible nightmare.
The problem is that this nightmare is my fucked up reality.

I take long, fast strides to get to the car.
Hope no one will disturb me here.

No lie, Vivian hurt my pride by how quickly and decisively she refused me.

It's like there's nothing between us, like she doesn't feel anything.

What if I invented it myself and believed in her feelings for me?

No, she wouldn't be so mad if she didn't care.

Suddenly there is the sound of a car door opening.
I look to the side in the hope of seeing my favorite face features, but, alas, not the one I'm waiting for gets in.

"Hello, darling!" says Carine, smiling provocatively. "I saw and heard everything. Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?"

All I know is that I need to be alone.

"What do you want?" I ask, not hiding my disappointment.

"I want to be here for you," she replies, batting her eyelashes, "As always."

A grin plays on my face.

But the truth is that Carine really always brightened up my loneliness when I needed it, even though not in the most innocent way.

The girl deftly moves from the passenger seat to my lap and grabs my face with her palms.

"It's always been me and you against the whole world," she says and, wasting no time, kisses me fervently on the lips.

My first thought is to resist. I grab her hands in a futile attempt to push her away from me.

"Don't deny the obvious. She left you, she doesn't need you," Carine looks into my eyes, "And I never turned my back on you, I always came and I will always come when needed."