The Long Nights of Winter - An Alternative Bucky Barnes Story

Chapter 4. In the Dark (Violence)

When it came time for them to go to bed they went to the bedroom and looked at the double bed dubiously.  Bucky said he would sleep on the floor while Natalie slept on the bed.  Tammy had given them extra blankets and he put two and a pillow on the floor.  Getting between them he undid his jeans and shimmied them off.  He turned away from Natalie as he pulled the blankets around his shoulders.

"I won't look," he said.  "I am a gentleman, or I try to be."

Natalie quickly took her top and jeans off and slipped a nightshirt on, then took her bra off under the shirt.  She wore leggings for pyjama bottoms and got into the bed, turning off the light in the process.

"Good night, Bucky," she said.

"Good night," he replied.

They both lay there in the dark, listening to the other move.

"Natalie, do you mind if I turn on my sleep app?" he asked.  "I use it to settle down so I can sleep.  It drowns out house noises."

"Sure, go ahead," she replied.  "That's probably a good idea."

He reached for his jeans and took his phone out of the pocket.  She could see the glow from his phone as he opened it.  A few moments later the sounds of a rain storm reached her and she smiled.  It was a sound that she liked as well and she found that it helped her to relax.  Soon they were both asleep.

He's with his squad and they are approaching the house.  With hand motions he signals several of the soldiers to go to the rear of the property and watches as they scurry under the windows to get into position.  The rest come with him and they take a zig zag route on the dirt roadway in front of the house before they're in position.  The signal is given and he kicks the door in, aiming his rifle at the heads of any Taliban inside the small house.  Two soldiers follow in quickly and flank him.  No one is there and he stops firing.  As his eyes get used to the dim interior one of the soldiers nudges him and draws his attention to the ground.  Two young boys lie there, arms askew, a single bullet hole in the side of their heads.  There is little blood which surprises him.  If he hit them there should be blood splatter everywhere.  Kneeling down to feel their pulse he is puzzled.  Their bodies are cold but it's over 100 degrees in the shade.  Someone is yelling at him and he turns.  It's Rumlow, telling him he's fucked up big time.  He's had enough of Rumlow's bullying him and challenges him.  They start to fight and are pulled apart. 

"I didn't kill them!" he yells at Rumlow.  "They were already dead!  Damn you, it wasn't me!  It wasn't me!"

He screams it over and over again but all he is aware of are hands over him, hands holding his arms down, hands trying to keep him down.  Then a different voice comes through...a woman's voice saying it's alright, he's alright and it's just a dream. 

He opened his eyes to Natalie looking down at him.  Her hands were on his keeping him from flailing around.

"Bucky, it's a nightmare," she said calmly.  "You're alright.  It's just a dream."

He sat up quickly, gently pushing her hands away.  "I know," he said breathlessly.  "I'm okay.  Thank you, I'm okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, concerned.

"No, I'm okay," he repeated, smiling slightly.  "I'm sorry I woke you.  Go back to bed.  I'm just going to sit here for a bit and get my bearings then I'll go back to sleep.  Really, it's alright."

Reluctantly she stood up and got back into the bed.  She could see the dim outline of him sitting up and staring into the dark trying to centre himself.  She fell asleep before he did so she didn't know how long he sat like that.  When Bucky realized she was asleep he laid back down and turned so that he could see the outline of her body on the bed.  It had been a long time since he shared a room with a woman.  Even the odd sexual encounter he had experienced since he got out of prison had been brief affairs with either them leaving him in the night or him leaving them if it took place at their apartment.  It should have bothered him that Natalie had witnessed one of his nightmares but it didn't and that surprised him.  Her touch had helped and for that he was grateful.  Slowly he felt drowsy again and was able to return to sleep.