Nobody Like You

Eighteen - Nothing Stays The Same - Nicki

My alarm clock buzzed for all of five minutes before I threw my cover back from over my head, and slapped my hand down on the snooze button.  I rolled over onto my back, stretching my arms and legs as I looked up at my purple ceiling, adjusting my eyes to the sunlight the poured into my bedroom through the bamboo blinds in my windows.  We were out of school for a week and a half for Spring Break, and it was a Saturday so I was in no rush to get up anyway.  This weekend also marked the eight year anniversary of my father, Esteban's death.  This time of year was always a hard time for me.  Every time I even heard his name, it made me want to cry, but I didn't.  I didn't even cry at his funeral. 
My dad always told me, "Nicki, don't ever show emotions.  People will think you're weak once you show them and will try to use them against you."  Those words stuck with me ever since.  I rolled over and grabbed the picture of me and my father that sat on my night stand.  Five year old me, sitting in my dad's lap on the white sandy beaches in Rio De Janerio.  There wasn't a day that went by I didn't think about or miss my daddy.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at his smile that shined bright as the sunshine in the backdrop.  My daddy loved me more than he loved himself, and he proved that every day since the day I was born.  No matter how busy he was with his career, he always made time for me.  At times my mother, Alexis, would act as if she didn't like my father giving me all of his attention.  I would ask her for things or want affection from her, but she would often ignore me or blow me off, treating me like a step child.  I knew my mother loved me, but it killed her inside to know my father loved me more than her. 
My world was turned upside down the day my father was killed in a car accident.  On the rainiest day in spring, his car slid off of the road and ran full speed into a huge oak tree.  He died instantly from the impact.  After a week's worth of investigating, the crime scene investigator discovered that his brake line had been cut, which would've made it impossible for him to stop.  My mom believed that the woman my father was having a yearlong affair with did the dirty work.  One day, the detective that was working on the case along with two other officers went to the woman's house to bring her in for questioning.  After knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell many times and getting no answer, they finally kicked the door in.  Once they arrived at her condo, they found her dead in a bath tub full of faint red water with the shower running onto her naked, lifeless body.  Apparently, she overdosed on pain killers and slit both of her wrists.  After they searched the house for any clues on why she would commit suicide, they made their way up to her bedroom and found a note placed predominantly in the middle of her bed that read:

I loved him so much.  I guess he loves her more... I will always love him. I'm sorry for everything.

Ever since then, life hadn't been the same for me or my mother...
I hopped out of bed, and headed to my bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.  Afterwards, I tied my hair up in a messy bun, and headed downstairs to the kitchen.  Before I reached the stairway, I heard a faint cough come from my mother's bedroom.  Surprised that she was even home, I slowly walked towards her bedroom, pushing the door open.  There lay my mother sprawled across her California king bed, her short wavy curls a mess on top of her head.  Her face was still made up from last night with lipstick smeared on her thin lips, and mascara caked on her long eyelashes. 
"Ma."  I said softly as I walked towards her bed, kicking her last night's outfit out of my path.  I sat on the edge of the bed, gently shaking her to wake her up.
"Ma." 
"Hmm."  She answered, sounding groggy.
"I was going to make some breakfast...you want some?"
"Sure. What are you making?"  She asked, turning her head towards me with her eyes slightly parted.
"Biscuits, bacon, eggs, grits, and Arepa Boyacense."   I replied.
"What the hell is Arepa Boya – sensay... or whatever you just said?"  Alexis stammered.
I laughed, shaking my head.  "It's called Arepa Boyacense. It's a Columbian breakfast food.  Grandma Emelle taught me how to make them when I went to visit her a week ago.  They are really good.  You'll like them."
"Ok.  Give me about twenty more minutes of sleep, and I will be right down."
"Ok."  I walked out of her room, and closed the door behind me.  Once in the kitchen, I pulled out three skillets, a small pot, and a cookie tray from under the counter.  I pulled open the refrigerator, pulling out all of the ingredients I needed to cook my delicious breakfast that I could already taste.  At first, I thought we had no eggs.  I probed the entire refrigerator before spotting them stuck back up in the vegetable bin. 
As I bent down to retrieve the eggs, a voice from behind me said, "Damn.  That sure is a beautiful site to wake up to."   I quickly snapped around, dropping the entire bucket of eggs on the floor.  There standing in the doorway of the kitchen was a man I had never seen before.  His caramel skin moved smoothly against his chiseled pecks, and his black silk pajama pants were hanging loosely on his waist.  His beady eyes were filled with lust as they racked over my young body.  He ran his long tongue over his top lip before pulling his lips up into a sinister smile, giving me goosebumps. 
"Who the hell are you?!"  I shouted, cleaning up the broken eggs shells off of the floor and placing them in the sink.  My eyes stayed glued to him.
"You must be Nicki."  The man said in a deep, smooth tone. The sound of it gave me an eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach, and the intrusive way he stared at me made me feel dirty.  My pulse and breathing grew erratic, my body quavered with fear as his eyes bore into mine.  It was like looking at the devil himself.
"Yes I am. Now, who the fuck are you?" I stood to my full height, my hands perched on my hips.
The man chuckled before gulping down a full bottle of water in five seconds.  "I'm Rick.  A friend of your mom's.  She's told me so much about you Ms. Nicki."  He slowly advanced towards me, resultantly making me take some steps back.  "But out of all the things she told me about you, she failed to tell me how beautiful you were."  Rick ran his tongue over his bottom lip as he continued to scan my body.  "How old are you Nicki?"
"None of your damn business."  I hurried around to the opposite side of the island he was on, trying to get as far away from him as possible.  "I don't know what you're on, but you need to gone back upstairs with my momma.  Cause ain't shit down here for you."
"Why?  I'm just making conversation with you.  No need to be scared of me. What's wrong?  You don't like me?"  He furrowed his eyebrows playfully.
"I don't fucking know you to like you.  Now get out!"
"That's okay." He walked around the island to get closer to me.  I hurried around to the other side, the island still in between us.  "You can get to know me.  I would sure love to get to know you."
This man didn't care that I was only a teenager or that fact that he just finished screwing my mother three ways from Sunday.  He was a beast and I was his prey. 
"Maaaaaaaaaaa!  Maaaaa get down her now!  Maaaaaaaaaaa!"  I screamed to the top of my lungs.
I hurried over to the kitchen drawer next to the sink, pulling out a stainless steel butcher's knife.  I wanted his ass to jump to stupid so I could have a reason to slice and dice his ass. 
"Maaaaa!"  I yelled again.  A few seconds later, my mother ran into the kitchen.  "What?  What's wrong?" Her eyes so wide they looked like they were about to pop out of her head.
"Who the hell is this guy?"  My grip was tight around the handle of the butcher's knife as I pointed it at Rick.  He stood next to my mother with his arms crossed over his chest, and a cruel smirk on his face.
"This is my – friend – Rick.  Rick this is my daughter, Nicole."
"We've been acquainted."  He replied, still smirking.
"Nicki, what's wrong?  And why do you have that knife in your hand?"
"Your 'friend' just tried to make a pass at me."  My face tightened as I glared at this bastard who was ready to rip me to shreds.
"What?"  Alexis narrowed her eyes, looking at me, then at Rick, then back at me.
Rick chuckled.  "Lexi, she's over reacting.  I was merely trying to have a pleasant conversation with her, that's all."
"I don't consider you telling me how much you want to get to know me, pleasant conversation."
Alexis scoffed, gaping at what I had revealed.  "You said that to my daughter Rick?"
"Ok, so I flirted with her a little bit." Rick sighed.  "I can't help it honey, it's in my nature.  I meant no harm by it, I swear I didn't."  He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into him.
"I don't care how you meant it!  You need to go!  Get out!"  I demanded.
"Okay you two.  Now let's calm down."  Alexis said, glancing between Rick and me.  "This all was just a big misunderstanding.  Now it's going to be a beautiful day today, let's just all relax and calm down. Nicki, once you finish cooking we will all sit down and have a wonderful meal together and forget that any of this ever happened.  Okay?"
Was she fucking serious right now? My mouth dropped to the floor as rage flowed through me.  "What do you mean, 'we'?!"  I snarled, tossing the butcher's knife on the countertop.  "I was making breakfast for me and you!  Not him!"  I pointed at Rick.  "He needs to go."  That smirk he held on his face made my stomach turn.
"Nicki, you are really overreacting right now.  All he did was flirt with you a little. It's not a big deal. You act like ain't no man ever flirted with you before."  Alexis calmly said.
"What do you mean?  He's here for you.  He's your friend, and he's flirting with your seventeen year old daughter. You don't see anything wrong with that?"  I asked.  I felt like I was in the twilight zone.  I couldn't believe she was actually taking this asshole's side over mine.
"Well maybe if you would stop walking around the house dressed like that," She continued, referring to the black boyshorts and pink tank top I was wearing, "and put on some clothes, he wouldn't look at you that way."
I was at a loss for words.  I stared at my mom with an unsteady gaze for a moment.  "Are you hearing yourself right now?  I will walk around here however I want to."   I yelled, hitting my fist against the countertop.  "This is my house, I live here!   I should be able to walk around any way I damn please without having to worry about some perverted ass stranger lurking at me, and he's supposed to be here for you.  Do you even know him Ma?"
"What kind of question is that?  Yes, I know him.  Do you think I would just bring a complete stranger in my house, especially with you here?"
I sneered at her, raising an eyebrow and folding my arms across my chest.  "I don't see why you wouldn't. You've done it plenty of times before."
Fury flashed in her eyes as she scowled at me.  She didn't like that comment at all, but it was the truth.  A week after my father passed away, my mom did a three hundred sixty degree change.  First came the drinking.  Every day all day she had a bottle or glass of some alcoholic beverage to her lips.  When the drinking wasn't enough, she slowly but surely adopted a promiscuous lifestyle.  Every other week she had a new boyfriend, and there were always random men in and out of our house. There were so many coming through there, and most of them never stayed long.  Nonetheless, I didn't approve of my mother's new found behavior, but I figured it was her way of coping with my father's death, so I never said too much about it.  People all over town always had crude comments and opinions about my mother, and I spent countless days protecting her honor and trying to convince others that I was not a product of what she had become.  But this shit happening right now made me realize that all my fighting for her was all in vain.
"Shut your mouth Nicki."  Alexis sternly said.  "And for the record this is my house, and you need to do what I say in my house."
"Technically, this is my daddy's house." I retorted.
Alexis paused, clenching her jaws as she glowered at me.  "As you can see, your father is not here anymore, so that makes it my house.  Now go upstairs and put on some pants, finish cooking breakfast and we will be back down when it's done."
I looked at her like she had lost her damn mind.  "Fuck this!"  I snapped.  "You cook the damn breakfast.  I'm done with this crap."  I stormed out of the kitchen, pushing past Rick as he laughed at my anger.
"Excuse me?" Alexis said, making me halt at the bottom of the stairs.  I pivoted around, facing her with tears welling up in my eyes.  "Who do you think you're talking to little girl?"
"I'm talking to you." I shouted in a shaky tone, my chin quavering.  I swallowed hard, erasing the huge lump that sat in my throat as I fought back my tears. 
"I can't believe you are taking this asshole's side over mine!  Any normal mother would've slapped the fuck out of him, and kicked his ass outta here by now.  But no – not you.  God forbid you be without a man for longer than five seconds.  All I ever do is try to be there for you, and love you Ma.  Taking up for you when people around town call you sluts and whores.  Do you know how it makes me feel to hear people talk about my mother that way?  Even though most of what they say is true, I still take up for you.  It's like you care more about these funky ass men than you do your own child.  Then this shit happens, and you make like it's not that big a deal and like it's my fault?" 
"It's not a big deal at all.  I swear Nicki, sometimes you blow everything out of proportion just like your father use to." Alexis said while shaking her head.  One thing I hated was for my mom to talk bad about my dad.  That did it for me.
"And you never want to take the fault for anything.  Alexis is never wrong or at fault for a damn thing that goes on in this house, or at all for that matter.  You point the finger and blame everybody for everything, when you need to be pointing the finger at yourself.  Now I see why my daddy cheated on you."
The room was completely silent.  Rick stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching with his eyebrows quirked.  His smirk was replaced with parted lips, and look of shock covered his face.  My mom's eyes went another color as she glared at me, rage flashing across her face.  She moved slowly towards, not taking her eyes off of me for one second.  Erasing all proximity between us, we were face to face.  Before I knew it, she slapped me with great force, knocking me backwards onto the stairs.  My face felt like a thousand needles were being stuck in it all at once.  I held my hand to my face as I turned to look at my mother.  This woman who I loved with all my heart, standing over me with hate and rage in her eyes.
"Let me tell you something you little bitch."  Alexis hissed, pointing her manicured finger in my face.  "Your father cheated on me because he was a whore, and didn't appreciate what the hell he had at home.  All he cared about were those tramps at that damn law firm and you.  I was the least of his concerns.  I did everything I could possibly do to be the perfect wife for him and a good mother to you, and he still wasn't satisfied.  So if you're gonna speak on my marriage Nicki, speak the truth."  Tears streamed from my mom's eyes, falling onto my face like raindrops.  Her chin trembled as she continued to stand over me.  "And if you ever say that shit to me again, I will kick your little Columbian ass up and down this fucking house.  Now get up and get out of my face."
I lifted myself up and stood upright on the stairs, still holding my stinging cheek.  "I'll do you one better.  I'll just leave."
"Good.  Get the hell out."  Alexis bellowed, her chest rising and falling with every breath she took.
"You know, I can't wait until I go off to college so I can get the hell away from you."  I hissed.  "I hate you."  With that I padded up the stairs to my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me.  Grabbing my phone from my dresser, I scrolled through my contacts until I came to Che's name.  I pressed the green phone icon to call him as I began to pull clothes from my closet and dresser drawers, and stuffed them in my Louis Vuitton duffle bag.  After two rings, the call went to his voicemail.  I figured he was probably still asleep since he didn't answer.  His parents were still in Barbados, so I knew he was home and wouldn't care if I came by without asking him first.
After hanging up the phone call to Che, I finished packing a duffle bag and a rolling suitcase full of clothes, another duffle bag with shoes to match the clothes I packed, and an additional duffle bag full of my hygiene and beauty products.  Pulling my KU Jayhawk hoodie over my head, I slipped on the matching sweatpants, and some tan fur boots, grabbed my keys and bags and headed downstairs.  My mom was still standing at the bottom of the stairs with her arms folded across her chest as I hurried down the stairs.  Her eyes were puffy and red from crying and her lips pursed.
I walked past her and headed straight for the front door, not looking at her at all.  "And since you got so much fucking mouth." she said, before I could open the front door.  "Stay your ass out there.  Don't come back here for shit.  Let's see how you live without me taking care of your little spoiled, self – centered ass."
I closed my eyes to stop the tears that wanted to fall.  Taking a deep breath, I opened the front door and sat my bags on the porch.  Grabbing my last bag, I turned to face my mother.  My heart ached and my stomach was in complete knots as I stared at this woman.  This woman that was supposed to love me and protect me.  This woman who I called mommy for seventeen years who now disowned me and wanted me out of her life over a man she barely knew.  She stared back at me with contempt in her eyes, clenching her silk robe with both hands.  I blinked away the tears that puddled in my bottom lids, and proceeded out the door, shutting it behind me.  Hopping in my midnight blue BMW coupe, I backed out of the driveway in a flash and darted down my block, heading for Che's house.  I had no clue what I was going to do or where I was going to stay until I found a steady place to live.  All knew was that I was alone in this.  Tears continued to beat against the back of my eyes, and I had already cried enough.  I refused to let my mom's lack of love for me break me.