drabbles | meddison

twelve.

Purpose - Drabble #12

Meredith's POV

Listen to what, Addison? It was a one-time thing for god's sakes!

I just said that. The amount of fear those words bring me.. it's too much. With that, I just lost someone who I adore so much. Addison. But for a minute, I didn't think about her. I didn't think about what she felt. It was all irrelevant compared on what she made me feel. She made me feel I was at fault for things we both wanted. I didn't care about what she has to say, it was all not gonna matter anyway.

Almost every day of my life has been filled with downs for me. They say that life is like a wheel, and that we, people, experience ups and downs. But why am I tossing and turning in a constant curve all my life?

Despite that fact that I've only known her for a few days, I sensed something special about her. And it's overwhelming, to say the least. With all the one-night stand that had occurred between us, she appeared to be very hesitant. I was upset, but did she take advantage of me or did I take advantage of her? I'm not sure either.

I gazed into Addison's eyes, which seemed to be pleading for at least my whole attention. We're both naked and marveling at each other's bodies.

"It happened," she said in a strong voice. It made me wince, she wasn't usually like this. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

It was pointless anyway. "I, I have to go."

And I walked away, with nowhere to go. It was definitely only a one-time thing.

Thankful– the only word that comes to mind when I think of my time with Addison. She was everything dreamy and deserving, and I am so not. I need to wake up and start making better decisions for myself. I'll eventually hurt her, and it'll hurt me as well.

I return to the beach, leaving her crying behind her closed doors. I've never felt so sorry for her, yet this is the right thing to do. To get away. While I wait for the sunset, I throw the largest rocks to the water. "Am I one of them? Waves? They go along, always returning," I question myself again. Will I go back to Seattle and live the life I've been building? Or am I supposed to be looking for something new, something empty?

I don't have anyone. Not to mention Addison, who was no one—or used to be, but no longer was. I can't rely on her. I've made up my mind. With the little dollars in my pocket, I booked a trip that night. I recall Addison's smile as I sat waiting for the plane to take off. It's funny, she didn't even know who I was when she let me into her house. She thought I was a great guy for not breaking into her house while she was sleeping.

That night, she was radiant. She was gorgeous in every way. When she murmurs my name, my gentle lips reach for her neck, and I go even more eagerly. "Meredith." It was as though the world was collapsing around us. She begs me to do more, and I was ready to do more. Her gasps and small tugs on my hair made me feel cherished in some way. She was heading for my lips as I tried to snap out of it, but I couldn't. It was a drug, and I was addicted.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard flight 23F. We are preparing for take-off.."

Just like that, I'm leaving her alone. Now, permanently. "Goodbye, Addison."

-

Few months later, I matched with Seattle Grace for my internship. I'm lucky enough I'm not going to spend anymore money moving in and out since my place was just a few blocks from the hospital.

My mother moved back to Mass Gen since she was completely annoyed she'll get to see my face everyday and the thought of having her as the chief of surgery ordering me around. It was still the same- no words; she just left. And I never felt more okay.