The Ecstasy Of Faking It

Chapter 29: Yet again.

Gina choked and I widened my eyes while Jess was still busy on my phone.

"Oh my gosh, Stacey congrats." I exclaimed.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"Bitch, WHAT?" Gina coughed and pulled her into a side hug, she giggled.

"Bingo." Jess raised my phone in the air before passing it back to me. I looked down at the screen and saw some kind of a map.

"What's this?" I asked.

"School map, dummy, he's in the school library." She pointed at the red dot on my screen.

"You fucking tracked him?" Gina laughed.

"It was the only way so yeah, you're welcome." She said to me with a shrug.

I engulfed her into a suffocating hug before I got up from the table and sprinted across the cafeteria, the hallways were empty since everyone was In the cafeteria, I ran on my way to the library, I guessed he was eating from there since he was avoiding me and all but as soon as I reached the glass doors, I spotted him inside talking to Lana Spencer.

Lana was one of those girls that could easily be mistaken for a Victoria secret model, I didn't hate her, she was cool but I also didn't want her near my boyfriend.

I pushed through the double doors and started walking towards them, Adrian had his back facing me so he didn't see me coming, but neither did Lana who was leaning against a book shelf. Adrian might have said something funny cause she laughed out loud and everyone in the library shushed them.

Looking embarrassed, she squeezed his arm and cupped her mouth.

I stared at the hand on his arm and I felt a huge amount of jealousy in my veins and the worst part was that Adrian didn't even seem to mind that she was touching him like that.

I thought, maybe I'm not the problem, maybe there's nothing wrong with me, maybe it's him and it's always going to be him.

He's the fucking problem.

I stood beside him when I reached them, they both turned their heads to look at me, Adrian looked like he'd seen a ghost while Lana plastered a smile on her face.

I tiptoed to peck his lips. you know, just in case Lana had no idea that he was my boyfriend.

It screamed desperation but what could I say, he called me his, that made him mine.

"Oh hey, Emily." She whispered while waving her hand at me.

"Hey." I responded, my eyes still glued to Adrian's face.

No one said anything, we all became really quiet and it became awkward real quick.

"Okay then, I'm gonna go eat, see you later, Adrian." She smiled and winked at him flirtatiously and he fucking smiled back.

"Later, Lana." He responded and she walked away, he looked at her leaving.

I took deep breaths in order to calm down.

I scoffed and shook my head at him as he stared at her ass, he looked down at me but didn't say anything.

"Are you seriously checking her out while I'm standing right here?" I tried not speak loudly.

He rolled his eyes at me and started walking to the next shelf, I followed closely behind him.

"Adrian." I hurried to stand in front of him, "I'm literally talking to you."

"I know." He said.

"Maybe you can at least try to talk back?" I asked and got shushed by someone in the room.

"What do you want me to say, Emily?" His tone was calm as he walked around me and started looking for something on the shelf.

"Something, anything." I pointed out.

"Are we still talking about Lana?" He asked.

"No, I know she's hot and guys look at her ass all the time but I trust you. I'm talking about last night when I told you I loved you and you ran out of my room." I reminded him.

"Oh." He was now staring at the books on the shelf, avoiding eye contact.

I hated that he couldn't even look at me.

"Oh what?"

"What exactly do you want me to say?" He scratched the back of his neck, still not looking at me.

My heart ached, he really didn't want to say it back.

"What you're feeling." My tone trailed off brokenly, his eyelids dropped and he released a restless sigh which made me drop a tear but I wiped it away almost immediately.

He finally turned to meet my eyes, he looked like he was about to say something that I wasn't going to like and the horrible part was that he was about to whisper it.

"Emily, I know you're expecting me to say it back and trust me, I would have liked to be that person that said it back but I'm not." He whispered softly, there was a throb on my throat and I fought back the tears from falling.

"What kind of person are you then?" I asked.

"I like you very much and I care about you more than my own life but.." He hesitated, "I don't think I'm in love with you, I don't think I even believe in love." He said, another tear rolled down my cheek but I didn't wipe it away this time. I never thought I would turn into that girl that cried over stupid shit like that but there I was.

I leaned my back against the bookshelf and slid to the floor, he sat down beside me.

"You understand, right?" He questioned.

I nodded like I understood even though I understood nothing, he said he liked and cared about me, that was the best he could offer and from the looks of things, he was never going to love me back.

And yet again, I found myself being betrayed by love.

It hurt, it hurt to give away my love and not get anything in return.

"Emily." He held my face and made me look at him when I kept quiet.

"I get it." I whispered, tears rolling down my face.

"Yeah?" He looked so unsure as he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs. "Don't cry." He planted a kiss on my lips and I sobbed.

Maybe I was pushing things, maybe I said it too soon, maybe he was going to say it back later before we both left for college even though graduation was just around the corner, four weeks away to be specific but if he didn't fall in love with me all that time, would he fall in love with me in weeks? Or maybe during the summer?

"Okay." I responded, forcing a smile, he planted a kiss on my forehead and pulled me to his chest, kissing my hair.

My phone vibrated in my pocket but I didn't pull it out, I knew it was a message from Charlie, asking about the tutoring time schedule again.

I didn't know how to tell Adrian about Charlie, having him not talk to me drove me nuts and I didn't want to think about what losing him would've felt like.