To My Love

To My Love: Thoughts

Me and my thoughts were left alone. While James went to a market to gather nobles for the cue, I sat and thought. What a useless thing to do. Women weren't supposed to think. They were just supposed to do. Well I had an unhealthy amount of time on my hands. Most of them were wishful thinking, and the others were of James. I was obsessed with him in a way that no women should ever.
I danced around my room barefoot, and then naked, and then in a gown. I was sooo bored. I wanted to do something exciting but there was no point. James was gone and I must stay. Or did I? Must I stay? Yes I must! Oh lord my intrusive thoughts are exhausting. I walked up and down the halls. Balancing myself on the lines in the floor. I walked downstairs to request some food from the kitchen. Alice the maid went downstairs right away to go request for my food.
I was all alone. Just me and my thoughts. I grunted. I walked back upstairs and dressed myself in my finest curtain that hung from my window.

There was no reason it was just what I wanted to do. One of the guards knocked on my door and came in intrusively. "Hercules, why must you come in without an invitation?" I said without turning around. I continued to curl my hair and tease it to look big in my bun. "Hercules, this is the moment when you tell me why you are here." I said again without looking at the door. I did not know who it was but I had a feeling it was Hercules. "No Hercules here. He's taking a wee nap." The mans voice wheezed. That voice. The man's voice.
I spun around and held the hot iron in front of me. "You dirty scum you must have some balls to come here." I hissed. I was afraid but I couldn't let him see that. "Woah don't get your knickers in a bunch I don't want to rape you...again." He chuckled like it was an accomplishment. His busted up face says otherwise. "I don't give a damn why your here." I began to move over to my desk. Slowly but surely. "What is a whore like you doing in a place like this...in a tight dress like that?" His slimy words grimed off my scull. "You must be fucking big money. Who's the man?" He said as he pointed over to James's portrait I had hung above the fireplace. "None of your damn business GET OUT!" I yelled. He threw his hands up and mocked me. "Whoa miss don't hurt me." He chuckled as he began to walk faster to me.
I jumped onto the bed and stood above him with my iron in hand. "Back.Off." I warned. "Oh your so big and scary you wee lass." He said he his hand creeped over to my ankle. He thought I didn't see him. I did. I was watching his every little move. Even his breathing. I wanted it to stop. I kicked him in his chin and backed away. "Why you little-" he said while holding his jaw and charging after me. I jumped off the bed and grabbed a candle stick on my way down. I jumped quickly to the floor and began to run out the door. He caught up to me and slammed the door on my fingers. "GET OFF OF ME!" I screamed as he grabbed me from behind and slapped me. I kicked and screamed and clutched the candlestick in my hand.
I took the candlestick and thrusted it past my face at his head. A sudden stop. And a small grunt. I couldn't feel his breathing on my neck. It stopped. All of it just...stopped. His grip on me let go and he fell backwards along with me. His blood flowed in my hair and spewed onto the carpet. I killed him. I wanted to cry but I didn't. He didn't deserve my tears or sympathy. I hit his chest in anger. "Why did you make me do it?!" I screamed as I pounded on his chest. "Why?!!" I screamed again. I sobbed but with no tears. Just spit spilled out of my mouth. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!" I yelled over and over and over again. I came in clutch with myself after running out of strength. I walked over the the purple chair that sat by the fireplace. I watched his body lifeless. I watched it to make so it didn't breath. Or move. I watched it all night.

James came home. I could hear the door shut. He called for Hercules. He didn't answer. I knew Hercules was dead, but I didn't make a sound. I just stared at the mans belly waiting for a breath so I could stab him again. James's footsteps came up the stairs. I knew the exact moment he was going to run into my room to see if I was alright. The thoughts I was left with. My thoughts and I. "Ruth are you alright?" There it was. He said it while running in the room and stopping at the exact spot I knew he would stop at. To look at the man. The dead bloody man that deserves every fate that he was delt. James ran over to me and kneeled before me. He put his hands on my knees and looked me in the eyes. I knew what he saw. Nothing. No emotion. I wasn't even there. I was with my thoughts. My mother used to tell me a woman who thinks to much can get herself killed. I almost did. I almost wanted to if he would've raped me again. I would've left behind James for death. It was wrong of me to think such thoughts. Such unimaginable thoughts. But they weren't really unimaginable were they. I imagined them.
Then the world went black. James went cold. I went cold. My heart...went cold. But that doesn't happen just yet.