To My Love

To My Love: Blue Carriage

My dreams weren't familiar to me anymore. It was hard to dream. But it was easy to sleep. I had protection from death. I begged God to not allow me to have a painful death such as my mothers. My mothers death. It was still a memory or a nightmare that shadowed my mind. It would still play over and over again every night.
There would be nights where I would wake in the middle of twilight and scream in terror. Every time the servants ran in to ask me what was wrong I would forget. I could never remember why I was screaming. James never came to see me when I screamed. He rarely even started a conversation with me. All I would hear from his mouth was "how was your sleep" "dinner will be served in our chambers tonight" "god woman get dressed." He was so cold to me.
Although James was handsome, he was ugly on the inside. His hair was black and always looked greasy. His lips were always smoldered and red like he was kissing the air always. The tip of his nose was like a round marble ball. And his skin was white but flustered and soft. And his eyes...they were so blue. They could burn through you like water that would drain from your palms. There was nothing more quenching.
James is tall and skinny but he also has a strong build. He calls me skinny when he could fly away like parchment. I wish he would kill me. I want this horrible life to be over, I don't care if the kings men kill me. My life was so dark and painful.
I opened my eyes to the sound of woodpeckers pounding on the oak trees in the front foyer. My night gown was bundled up on my chest only covering my breasts. I stretched my legs as far as they could until they went numb and started to shake. I laid in silence before I moved the comforter off of my body.
James came storming in with his head down looking at a large stained paper. I quickly grabbed the comforter and yanked it over my body and began pulling my nightgown down. James looks at my suspicious behavior and is confused. "Did I interrupt something?" He said looking up from his paper and pulling down his glasses. He smiles at me as if I was doing something suspicious. "You're disgusting." I scoff while rolling my eyes until they hit the back of my head.
He shrugs at me and goes back to reading his paper. Why couldn't he do this in his office I wondered. "The queen mother is throwing a ball for the nobles. Since I am a noble and you are not I can still bring you as a plus one." He said while smirking at me. "Why do you think I will come with you." I said while getting up from the bed. "Because. I asked politely."
"No you didn't. You never asked" I said
"Oh really? I thought I did" he questioned
I folded my arms and gave him an unamused look. He noticed me and rolled his eyes. "Will you come with me to the noble ball." He asked. In a way it didn't sound like a question it sounded like a demand. He didn't say please so I found a wedge where I could annoy him. I coughed and tapped my foot. "And?" I said with a smirk. He looked up from his feet with a curious face. "And what?" He shook his head. I scoffed and caught louder. Not saying a word and just letting him get the damn hint.
He finally realized what I was implying. James's face was annoyed like he had no manners at all and I was asking him to speak blasphemy. He made me want to hurt myself. It was a simple thank you that I was insinuating. I gave him a look of un amusement. He finally sighed and said "please come to the ball with me." I thought he was going to wash his mouth out with soap. I giggled at the sight of his struggle.
James was offended by my humor and scoffed. He stormed out of the room and hissed at me. "I will send a maid to get you ready, piggy.". My face turned red and hot. I grabbed the candle holder that sat on my bedside table and chucked it at the door as it closed. His footsteps faded down the hall and disappeared with a the slam of his office door. I huffed my breath and stomped my foot like a child.

Later that day I was crowded by servants. I couldn't breathe. I had three nights of sleep without a corset, now I am back in it. Why couldn't I just strap bandages to my breasts to hold them in place. I'm already skinny enough I don't think I should look like bones are my only structure. Servants swayed me from side to side and tugged me around. The dress James had picked out for me to wear was a dark green. It had velvet and lace and was huge. I had never had such a beautiful dress even when I had a title. My breasts popped out of the top like a whore, I was going to kill James.
After they had put my stockings and heels on I was ready to go. My hair was tied in a loose curly bun that sat at the bottom of my neck. There were sneaky little curls that fell out and flowed as I walked. I put a dark silk ribbon in my bun to give it more beauty. I walked down the big staircase that led to the dining room. There James and Leanna were waiting for me. I gave Leanna a cold look and paid no attention to her the rest of the night. James's face was as red as a cherry. I thought he hated me and the way that I looked but after seeing his face tonight in this dress I was confused. "You look...pretty." James pushed those words out of his mouth like he was walking on thin ice. "Thank you James." I said while doing a small curtsy with my dress. "Yes very stunning." Leanna threw in. I looked at her in the most devilish way, trying to make her shut her lying mouth. Leanna noticed my cold look and realized I wasn't very happy with her at the moment so she dusted it off and put on a faint smile.
We headed out to the blue carriage that waited for us in front of the mansion. I sat on a bench alone while Leanna and James sat together on the other. James tapped the roof of the carriage to let the horseman know we were ready to go. It was a long way to the party and I was exhausted. I slowly let the carriage rock me to sleep and watched as my vision went blurry and I was sound asleep.