To My Love

To My Love: Heavy breathing ⚠️rape⚠️

I had no dreams while asleep on the carriage. I didn't expect any because the drive was shorter than expected. James shook me awake as we came up the hill to the Castle. You could see the top of the castle from the middle of the hill. The lights of the millions of candles were glowing up the windows and made the palace seem lively. As we made our way up I had a sudden flashback from when I was a child.
When I was born my father took me and hid me in the castle for quite some time until I turned 9. Him and my mother had not a clue how to hide me and how to hide each other. So my father dressed me up as a servant girl and told people I was the maid Ashley's daughter. Ashley was kind to me and treated me as if she was in fact my real mother. She had lost her newborn before it could cry. Taking care of me was like having her own again.
There was once a time when I came upstairs to the library from the servants quarters to get a book. My father and his noblemen were having whisky and discussing politics. My father saw me and dragged me out of the library. "Are you trying to get me ruined?!" He whispered, after that I was afraid of my father and I would never set foot in the upstairs again.
Once I came up from the daydream, James was snapping his fingers in front of my face as if I was retarded. "Hello? Ruth? Are you alright?" I shook my head and focused on his hand and smacked it out of my face. "I'm fine, just a wee tired that's all." I said as I looked back out the window. I could see James's face in the corner of my eye. It was like his feelings were hurt by my response. I hated James for the way he treated me before but he has...changed. What did I do to make him be this way? I couldn't even answer my own question if I wanted to, I was too afraid of the answer.
The carriage has finally come to a halt in the front foyer lined with elegant bushes and flowers that were in season. James grabbed my arm firmly just enough to make me jump back. I turned sharply and gave him a glair. Leanna's face was also filled with surprise. "You cannot be noticed by the kings guard." He whispered. He was right, If they saw me they would seize me before I stepped out of the carriage. I nodded a yes at him and flipped my hand fan. I held it up to my face so that I was un recognizable. As I stepped out of the carriage I held my dress up from the ground. James and Leanna followed shortly behind me. The music played so loudly I could hear it from the outside. The laughter of the many bachelorettes and bachelors were obnoxious. James caught up to me before I met with the big front doors. He locked his arm with mine and tipped his hat to the guards. He leaned over to my ear and whispered "you are my wife if anyone asks." I was so disgusted by the idea of being his wife I almost gagged. As we walked in we were greeted at the door by a group of gentlemen. "James!" They all chattered. James quickly put on a soft smile, one that I had never seen before.
"How are you lads?" He chattered back.
"Oh we are just fine, just fine." One of them spoke for all of them. A little one in the back looked at me up and down with a slimy grin. I got an ick at the sight of it. "Who is your lady?" The little one said. James looked at the man and then looked back at me with a smile. "Her name is Leery" he said while laying a soft kiss on my cheek. "She is my wife." He said confidently. They all became wide eyed and choked on their whiskey. "Why James I never knew you were a marrying man!" "Have I really not seen you for so long?" "She has a great face, good one ladie" they all chattered. I was so flabbergasted from the kiss I needed some air. "Dear I'm gonna go grab us some drinks." I said with a smile and patted his chest. James grabbed my waste and whispered in my ear "kiss me goodbye." I looked at him in disgust and rolled my eyes slightly. I slapped a big wet one on his cheek and the men began to cackle. He let go of my waist and let me leave. I grabbed my dress and walked away quickly. As soon as I got to the empty hallway behind the ballroom I began to breathe heavy. My corset felt tighter and the velvet on my dress felt heavy.
A man walked into the hallway not too far behind me. I didn't notice him until he began to speak. The same hard, dirty Scottish accent. "Well hello Clair." The man wheezed. My heart stopped and I didn't find myself breathing at all. I turned my head slowly to the man. It was the fat man that I had sold my body to. He stood there in his fancy coat and silk trousers, but I knew what he really was. "Well don't be surprised to see me." He mocked. I wanted to spit in his face and kill him. I looked at him with the coldest look. "Stay the hell away from me." I warned and stepped back. I searched for a door to escape into while still keeping my eye on the man. "Whoa whoa it was you who needed the money not me." He paused and looked me up and down, "I just needed a snack." He began to walk towards me faster.
"You disgust me." I hissed at him. I looked behind me for a second to see if there was anything behind me I could defend myself with...there wasn't. But In that window of time he was right in front of my face. I screamed in terror and in fear.
He grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall. I screamed louder but the music muffled my screams. He ripped my skirt and began to kiss my neck with force. "GET OFF OF ME!! HELP ME" I cried and kicked. "please..." I screamed silently as I sobbed. He began. I squeezed my eyes shut and kept pushing him. I sobbed louder. I couldn't hear myself. I couldn't hear the music. All I hear was his breathing and his beard scrub my skin raw. I could feel my top unbutton. I tried to cover my exposed breasts with my arms but he was too strong. I soon just went limp and stopped fighting. I let the tears drain from my eyes without force and let them dry on my cheeks.
James came around the corner and saw me. His face turned red with rage. He tackled the man and began to beat him, until he was bloody and purple. I sat there on the floor with a blurred vision. I could feel the cold wind hit my chest. I slowly began to slide down to the cold ground. I laid there with no feeling and no emotion. Just listening to the pounding of James's punches, and the man's whimpers. James finally came to see me laying on the ground lifeless. "Ruth. Ruth! It's going to be alright" he whispered. His knuckles were bloody and busted from the man's face. I looked down at the man laying there limp on the ground, he didn't seem to be breathing. Leanna came running around the corner with her hands on her mouth. James took off his jacket and threw it over my chest. He pulled me close to his chest. I could hear my heartbeat and his heartbeat together.
Thump thump, thump thump.
James motioned Leanna over to come help me off the ground. "We have to go home Ruth" James said with a shaking voice. I groaned and nodded no. I couldn't move. I didn't want to. "Yes yes we must dear." Leanna reassured me. I lifted myself off the ground with the help of their strength. My legs began to shake. As we passed by all of the people in the ballroom, they didn't seem to notice me. They were too busy having a good time. I was thankful that I was invisible. We made our ways outside and James called the carriage. He came around the corner quickly and James helped me inside. I laid down on the bench and James sat on the carriage floor in front of me. He rubbed my hair until I drifted off to sleep.
My dreams were only of the mums, dream of the mums Ruth....just the mums.