Anti-crime unit (Levi x Hanji) (Modern)

18. Back to normal

LEVI P.O.V. *PRESENT*

"Hanji, I can explain everything" I started, trying to calm her down. I didn't want to see her like that.
"There is no reason" Hanji answered, but with a voice I never heard from her before. She had a pocker face on and she was talking with a dry voice. She seemed broken.
"I read everything. I know that you killed for revenge... but you're still a criminal..."
Hanji looked down at the floor.
I walked near her. I could feel everyone's eyes pointed at us. But I didn't care because I just wanted to clarify. I didn't want her to think of me that way. I didn't want her to think I was something I wasn't.
"Hanji... I'm so sorry-"
"About what?!" The woman raised her head and voice and looked deeply in my eyes with an angry glance "About the fact that I told you everything but you never told me the whole truth?! This is my job, Levi, I need to know these things! But you never thought of telling me something this important!"
"Hanji-"
"You wanted me to discover it for myself?! Why, WHY didn't you tell me before?!" She yelled.
"I-I didn't want you to think that I could be Carolina's murderer only because I had killed someone..."
"Oh. I understand" Hanji said, but with an angry tone "so... you cared of yourself more than anything else, right? You only cared of your safety..."
"It's not like that" I tried to explain, but Hanji didn't let me.
"Yeah. It's exactly like that" Hanji's eyes started tearing "You didn't want more problems, more examinations, more questions... and I really though you were innocent... I really though that you were different... but you are just like everyone else. You only care of yourself..." Hanji started crying "and... and I am such a... a DUMB! Because I believed in your innocence only because I could see 'something in your eyes'... Rico is right... I should stop daydreaming... I'm such a stupid person..."
"Hanji-"
"I can't believe that I actually invited you in my house, ate with you, even SLEPT with you! And during all this time... you were a criminal..."
"But... I thought you liked criminals..."
"What?! Is this the only thing that you can say?! By the way, I do like criminals! But I usually KNOW that they are criminals! But you didn't tell me anything! I TRUSTED YOU! I really trusted you... now I know why you were such a mysterious person..."
The woman cried more and more. I had to say something.
"Hanji, listen-"
"I can't believe that I actually fell in love with you..."

My heart stopped beating.
What?! Was she for real?! Was she actually in love with me?!
I looked at her but her head was turned at another way and she was crying.

I felt so so bad... I couldn't even describe the empty space inside my stomach and my heart in that moment. I wanted to punch and kill myself for making her feel that way.
Since the moment I knew Hanji, she became a sunshine in my life. But me... I was just an horrible nightmare in her life. She deserved better. Better than any damn thing I could ever gave her. Maybe I had actually nothing to give her...
Maybe she was right... I was such a selfish person. I only wanted Hanji to make me happy but I never had the intention of asking her what she actually wanted to be happy.
Of course I wanted her happiness, but I only cared of mine.
I never asked for her opinion and now... now it was too late.
I felt bad. Not because of knowing she had discovered the truth, but because of seeing her reaction after discovering the truth.
That broke my heart.
And she had... fallen in love with me? Damn, I am so stupid. I am such a bad person... I should just vanish from this world and die. The only thing I can do is end someone's happiness and dreams...

I looked at the floor. There was nothing I could say or do to better the situation. I just remained there, wondering if, someday, I could come back to her and say sorry, come back and tell her the truth.
About everything.
But I didn't care if she would have refused me. I just wanted her to know.
I actually didn't want to stay with her anymore. Not because I stopped loving her, because my love for her could never stop. But because she didn't deserve someone like me, someone so selfish...