The Patchwork Hearts

Chapter TWENTY NINE

Maya

Oh my god, what is wrong with me?

   I'm literally on a date - our very first real date - with Marcus and things are going well. It's a bit awkward at first, because usually dates are used to get to know someone. I already know Marcus well enough. I know his body, and his sex noises and how he grins with a dimple when he sees me. So sitting across from him at this restaurant is funny, and weird.

   We order our meals. He's telling me about his day, how he and Philip went to the indoor driving range that afternoon. I tell him about work that day. It's casual and nice. It's pretty much how it should be, but it doesn't feel like we are really connecting. We connect, in his bedroom. But, here, I feel a bit off balance. Maybe it's because I had breakfast that morning with my ex's mom.

   And then I hear someone call out to someone else. It's a restaurant, of course this will happen. But I look over, and it's Tyrese Collins, who I had classes with for four years of high school. He was always around, at school, because he and Holden were friends. He's standing up and calling out to someone - but of course it's not just someone. It's Holden. He's in the lobby about twenty feet away from where I'm sitting, with Marcus. We just started eating but now my stomach tightens and I look at him quickly before looking back at my pasta. Marcus is oblivious. He doesn't know my history. He doesn't know about Holden. He's just sitting there, eating his steak, smiling at me. I glance over again and Tyrese and Holden are talking. I look for too long and catch Holden's eyes contact, so I look away and then, without seeming like I'm freaking out, I tell Marcus I just have to go use the bathroom. He nods and lets me go, and I'm glad he doesn't realize what's happening.

   Now, I'm staring at myself in the mirror, cursing my body and my heart for reacting like this. I knew I'd likely see him again, sometime. But one week later, while I'm on a date with Marcus? Is this some sort of crazy joke? I should have been at my sister's house. If I was, I wouldn't have seen Holden at the restaurant. My heart is beating too fast. Making eye contract with him did something to my body, and I don't like it.

   I have to go back out there, so I cross my fingers that he is gone, so I can try to enjoy the rest of my date.

   "You okay?" Marcus asks as soon as I'm back at the table. "You look pale."

   "I'm okay," I say, sitting down again. "Just... uhh, my stomach is sort of-"

   "Oh, no. Do you want to get out of here?" he wants to know. His food is only half gone. I've barely touched mine.

   I look around quickly and don't see or hear Holden. Tyrese is back the table he was sitting at.

   "No, I'm fine," I tell Marcus, then stab some pasta with my fork and shove it into my mouth.

   "Okay. Good."

   Half an hour later we are done and Marcus pays for dinner, then I follow him out to his car. It's only a bit after 6P.M. and we planned to go down to the harbour to walk around, after dinner. I know Marcus wants this to be a real date. He wants people to see us together. He wants us to be real, official, or whatever. Even though I told him I wasn't ready for that.

   "You're being quiet," Marcus says, his tone soft and warm. Like a cozy sweater. "You okay?"

   I hate being asked if I'm okay. When my mom was sick, everyone asked me that. After she died, it was mostly Nella who asked. In Albany, Lindsay and Tamara would ask it often. If I seemed out of sorts - and I was, often - they'd ask. If I couldn't go out for a drink or go see a movie because Ryland wanted me to stay home, they ask. Now, I didn't want to be asked if I was okay.