The Patchwork Hearts

Chapter FIVE

Maya

"Maya," my sister spits out, staring at me.

I look at my hands and fiddle with my shirt, avoiding her eyes. I know she wants more answers, but I'm not sure I'm ready to give her more at this point.

"Maya, what do you mean?" she asks again.

It's not like I can just pretend not to hear her, so I take in a deep breath. "I went to Albany because I had met this guy online. That's not why I left, but that's why I went there. I never told you that. So I went there, I got this tiny apartment and I got a job, and... Nell, I know I should have kept in touch with you. But I was in a really bad place, mentally. Things felt better for awhile. I felt free, and like I could be anyone I wanted. The online guy turned out to be a man whore who just wanted to have sex, so after a few months I stopped seeing him."

"Maya..." Nella says again, and I know she wants me to get to the point.

"I know I stopped emailing you back, and even though I gave you my New York number, I rarely answered your calls or texts. I know that I hurt you and I know it was stupid. But having a connection to here, to home, was too hard for me. I thought I would cut all ties and move on. It was hard, starting over, but then I met... Ryland."

"You told me about him. I remember I was pregnant with Willow when I read that email from you. You said you met this guy who was good to you and he took you out for dinner and..." She sees my face change and stops talking.

"Yeah. We met at a party, that I went to with my friend Tamara. I worked with her, and she knew all the best parties. Well, he was there with another girl, but he came and talked to me. And then we left together. And..." I try to take a deep breath but the air gets caught in my chest.  "For six months, things were good. That's why I told you about him. But after those six months..."

I can tell she doesn't know what to say, but her heart is breaking. For me.

"I stayed with him, for a long time. Even after I found out he was fucking other girls. Even after he didn't even acknowledge our one year anniversary. And even after he started... hitting me."

"Why? Why would you stay with someone who was treating you so bad?" She can't help it, she blurts out her feelings. Nella was always emotional and didn't control it all that well. That hasn't changed.

I just stare at her, because it's so obvious that she won't understand. She didn't date much when she was younger and I know that George - perfect, amazing George - was her first serious relationship. She didn't get a chance to find out that there are horrible, no good guys out there. Good for her, I mean. I'm glad she didn't have to go through anything like this.

"Maya, talk to me," she goes on, now reaching for my hand.

The bartender is on his way back over to us, two plates of food in his hands.  He places the potato skins in front of Nella and the mozza sticks in front of me. Nella says thank you and I wait until he's gone again. I even pick a mozza stick up and dip it in  some sauce and take a bite, just to give myself some time.

"I always attract guys like that," I finally say, as if this is funny. Nella doesn't even smile. "Ryland acted like he cared about me. He begged me to move in to his apartment. He took me places, he showed me off. My friends were jealous that he was my boyfriend. It was all very... you know, it was deceiving. I see that now." I stop to take another bite and then a sip of my beer. I can't wait to eat my burger. I haven't seen food this good in a long time. "But the months went on and I became very isolated. He stopped taking me out, he didn't invite me when he was going to hang out with people or to parties... but if I wanted to hang out with my friends without him, he freaked out and made it a huge deal. He always made it my fault. Something I did wrong. I believed him.  And then he started the threats. It was always... 'if you go out, don't expect to come back', or 'I'll tell those girls you work with that you are crazy'. I didn't want him to kick me out or tell my friends lies about me, so I just... I dealt with it."