Her Song (Florence Pugh)

Jealous

"Well, yeah. It's not a big deal, Flo. What's got you so upset?"

"Nothing," she sighs. "Nevermind."

I know it's not 'nothing' but I let it slide. She might just be tired.

~

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna go, but I don't have a choice," Florence apologizes with a sincere frown.

"Don't apologize, Flo. You have to go do famous people stuff. It's okay. We'll be okay."

Standing out in the hall, we simply look at each other for a minute longer. It's like both of us are expecting the other person to make a move.

I go back into the hospital room after she leaves and I sit with Syd.

I know I shouldn't, but I end up scouring the internet for information on glioblastoma multiforme. Bile rises in my throat as I read through everything. There's one common theme in every piece of information I find: Death. It all leads to death.

That's what it feels like, at least. I sniffle and wipe away the tears, turning off my phone. When I look up, I realize that Syd is wide awake and watching me with tears in her eyes.

"Something's really wrong, isn't it?" she asks, catching me off guard. I hesitate and she asks again. "Am I gonna die?"

I choke on the air in my lungs and fight as hard as I can against the tears welling up in my eyes. A five-year-old should not be asking her mom if she's going to die. This isn't right. None of this is right. This isn't fucking okay.

"Baby...you're sick. I don't want to lie to you. You're pretty sick, but the doctors are gonna take care of you, okay? We'll get through this." I grab her hand and she cries, but I can tell she's trying to hold it in. "It's okay to cry, Sydney. This is scary. It's okay to let yourself feel things, even if it hurts."

"Mommy, I'm scared," she whimpers, the tears flowing freely. I climb into bed next to her and hold her as she cries.

"We'll be okay. It's you and me. We'll get through this."

We have to. We have to get through this.

~

The next day, Dr. Shepherd comes to check on Syd. Florence never came back yesterday because she got held up doing something with her manager. I was a little upset to find out she wasn't coming back, but I have to remember that this isn't her life and Syd isn't her kid. She has no obligation to be here.

While Dr. Shepherd checks on and talks to Syd, I speak to Arizona in the hallway. I'm leaning back against the wall and she's standing in front of me. I think she's trying to distract me from everything that's going on. From the hell that's crashing down around me.

It's a nice thought, but it doesn't work as well as Florence's hand in mine. Nothing does.

"I could really use some coffee," she groans. "Wanna join me? The hospital stuff sucks but there's a good coffee cart outside."

"Miss Fancy Peds Surgeon wants to get coffee with me? Interesting. No groundbreaking surgeries to perform?" I tease.

"Not at the moment, no. I can always make time for beautiful women." I laugh at her comment and blush from the attention, although I don't feel that way about her.

"Arizona-"

"Y/N," a smooth accent says coldly from beside us. I look over to see Florence standing there, a hard glare set in stone on her face. If looks could kill, Arizona would be the one needing a doctor. "Should I go?"

"Flo, no. Why would you leave?"

"Well it seems like you're kind of busy. Go get some coffee. I'll be back later." She turns on her heel and walks down the hall away from us, angry determination echoing from each of her steps.

"I'm sorry, I- I've gotta go. Rain check on the coffee?"

"Yeah, of course. Go," Arizona says kindly. I mouth a 'thank you' and take off after Florence down the hall.

"Flo, wait," I yell once I can see her again. She doesn't stop or turn around. "Florence!"

I catch up to her and grab her arm, forcing her to face me. "Where the hell are you going?"

"It's fine, Y/N. Just go get coffee with her. She seems nice." Her words aren't genuine, they're venomous. She honestly sounds like she wants to punch Arizona's teeth in.

"Flo, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Look, I get it, okay? We were never serious. You have every right to go on a date with whoever you want," she snaps, turning back around and beginning to walk away.

So that's what this is about. She's jealous. She's fucking jealous.

I grab her arm and pull her harshly into an empty hospital room, closing the door behind us. The only source of light is the faint light coming from the hall window with half-closed blinds. "I cannot believe you right now," I scoff.

"Me? What the hell did I do, huh?"

"You're overreacting, Flo!"

"I don't see how I'm the problem here! I thought we had something, Y/N!"

"You're not listening to me-"

"Maybe if you weren't off flirting with some hot doctor-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," I mutter. I grab her by the waist of her jeans and yank her towards me. Her body crashes into mine at the same time I rest my hand on the back of her neck. I harshly pull her lips down to mine, finally feeling what it's like to kiss her.

For a second, she doesn't kiss back, likely because of the sudden shock of the kiss. But then she tangles her hands in my hair and desperately tries to pull me closer. She lets out a small moan as I squeeze her hip, and I slip my tongue into her mouth. Backing her up against the nearest surface, my hips roughly press against hers and we both moan at the contact.

I lift her up and set her on whatever we're leaning against, which I'm guessing is a bed. I grab her thighs and pull her body as close to mine as possible, desperate to make up for lost time. It's a messy tangle of heat, hands, tongues, and moans, but it's perfect.

I pull away with a gentle bite of her bottom lip, letting it go with a pop. "I don't want her, or anyone else. I want you, Flo. You should know that by now."

~

You could have anyone you want
Why would you want to be with me?
You know, I'm nothing special

Be with whoever you want
I don't care, I don't care
I don't wanna know

sike bitch, i want u 😏