Inanimate crack

Rejects

Lightbulb: *closes door*

Fan: Hi lightbulb!

Lightbulb: HAM! DAM! FAN! Hi Fan! Do you want ham? I don't have any ham... What are you doing here?

Fan: I live here...

Lightbulb: Great! Did your hair lose weight?

Fan: I don't have any hair- What's in the living room?

Lightbulb: What is a living room? Did you get new... arms?

Fan: Move out of the way!

Lightbulb: Noooo!

Fan: Oooo- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*Fan screaming*

*Lightbulb starts screaming*

Lightbulb: That is a nice chair! Let's just look at it...

Fan: I've already seen the dead body, you can't distract me!

*dead body has appeared*

Lightbulb: So nice...

Fan: WHAT ARE ALL THESE DEAD BODIES DOING HERE?

Lightbulb: Honestly not much...

Fan: I'm calling the police.

Lightbulb: Errr! HAM!

*ham slap*

Fan: I want answers.

Lightbulb: Okay, I lied... I do have ham.

Fan: About the bodies!

Lightbulb: Oh! Well, you know when you want to tell someone something but you don't want to hurt their feelings so you kind of bottle it all up inside till it develops into an overwhelming urge to kill them...

Fan: Obviously.

Lightbulb: I cloned you so I could kill you.

*FAN! FAN! HAM!!!!*

Fan: Oh my god- Wait! Why did you clone me twice?!

Lightbulb: Yes... Twice...

Span: Hola!

Lightbulb: *shoot Span in Spanish*

Span: Adios!

Fan: Who was that?

Lightbulb: That was Spanish Fan, I called him Span

Fan: Why? 

Lightbulb: It's a portmanteau of Spanish and Fan.

Fan: No, why was he Spanish?!

Lightbulb: Oh! The cloning took a while to perfect... there were rejects...

Fan: How many rejects?

Doesn't understand the object body Fan: Has anybody seen my penis?

Fan: Why would it be on your head?

Lightbulb: Oh, that's doesn't understand the object body Fan.

Fan: Oh...

Doesn't understand the object body Fan: Hey! Say that to my face! *proceeds to point at his elbow*

Lightbulb: *shoots him*

Doesn't understand the object body Fan: OUCH! MY KNEES!!

Really bad advice Fan: Remember kids, if a strange man offers you sweets there is probably more in his car. *winks*

Lightbulb: Really bad advice Fan.

Fan: Oh right.

Lightbulb: *shoots him*

Really bad advice Fan: OUCH! DRINK BLEACH! (she already does)

Racist Fan: I really hate this next guy.

Lightbulb: Racist Fan. *proceeds to shoot him*

Secretly Asian Fan: White people!

Lightbulb: Secretly Asian Fan. *shoots again*

Fan: Really? They all look the same to me.

Lightbulb: Woah!

Fan: The clones! The clones! Really? Really?

Lightbulb: *shoots Barbershop quartet Fan*

Barbershop quartet Fan: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

Lightbulb: Barbershop quartet Fan.

Fan: So, is that all of them?

Lightbulb: Well, there is suicidal Fan, but err...

*bang*

Lightbulb: Yep, that's all of them.

Fan: *sigh* Thank god, y'know if you have something to say you can just say it to me. We've all bottled up our feelings to the point where we feel like our only option is to murder a bunch of clones, but you can just talk to me. Okay?

Lightbulb: Thanks Fan.

Fan: So, what was it you wanted to say?

Lightbulb: You're a clone.

Fan: What?

Lightbulb: I turned the real Fan into a chair.

Fan: WHAT?!

Lightbulb: I call him Chan!

*muffled screaming*

Fan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

*HAM!!!*

Another clone: Hey guys! 

Lightbulb: *shoot him*

Fan: Was that another clone?

Lightbulb: Yep...