My Life Through You

Chapter 9

I feel so relieved when I step out into the cold air after I told Dr Barlowe about Benjamin. Again, it is already dark outside, which is why I almost immediately see the lights of Jayden's car. I open the door to the passenger seat and sit down.

"Hey, how was it?" He asks. I know that he actually wants to not if I told Dr Barlowe about my dream last night.

"It was good. I feel better." I slightly smile at him, and he throws a knowing smile back at me. He understood what I was saying.

"Want to go and grab some dinner and then head home?" I like how he says 'home' as it was my home too. It is the place I am living at, but the way he calls it my home gives me an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach.

I nod, and so we get our usual at the Chinese takeaway we always go to and drive straight home. We finish dinner quickly not talking much. I asked him about his day and tell him about Ryan raving about Lillian, and he tells me he has to plan a trip for his students from Thursday to Friday this week.

"It is very last-minute, but the original trip was cancelled due to the sickness of one of the teachers, but the kids really want to go. So, we are trying to make up for it." He always talks with so much passion and joy about his job, even if it's about things that would stress other people put.

"You're leaving Thursday then?" I ask.

"Yes, early in the morning," he tells me. The thought of Jayden leaving for two days and especially overnight kind of scares me. I still have nightmares, but I recover a lot faster from them with him by my side. And being alone in his apartment for so long is going to feel very strange.

"Will you be all right while I'm gone? I can ask Ryan if you could stay with him for two days." He suggests but I assure him that I will be fine. The truth is, I don't know if I will be fine, but I don't want to bother Ryan either. So, I guess I'll just have to deal with it somehow.

• • •

The following two days go by way too quickly and I am dreading Jayden's absence. I have been working at the bookshop a little longer so I can afford to stay home the rest of the week. I asked Ryan if he was ok with it, and he told me it would be no problem. I knew he was going to allow me to stay home, but I wanted to be polite and ask for his permission. I also don't want to give him the feeling that I am taking advantage of him. If I could, I would go to work while Jayden is gone, however, I have no chance to get to the store. And I didn't want to ask Ryan if he could pick me up and drop me off again. So that was my only choice.

"Are you excited?" I ask Jayden, even though I already know the answer. He is leaving for the trip tomorrow and we are sitting at the kitchen aisle eating the leftovers from the day before.

"Yes, I can't wait. It is all the kids talked about this week. They are very excited as well. I just hope they won't be too hyper. But I planned many fun activities, so maybe they will make them tired at the end of the day." He laughs. I really admire the amount of love and aspiration he has for his job. Since I met him, he has not once complained about it. He had stressful days of course, but it seems like he even loves those. I wish I had something I was so passionate about as well. He is really lucky.

"I hope I am not going to wake you tomorrow. I have to get up at around 5 am." I nod. I don't know why, but I don't want Jayden to leave. I haven't been on my own since the accident. I mean, I wasn't surrounded by nurses or doctors all day at the hospital, but they were always checking on me every few hours. As of tomorrow, I will be alone for the very first time in a while.

After we finished our dinner, I offered to make the dishes so that Jayden can take a shower. When he steps out of the bathroom I have already changed into his shirt, waiting to brush my teeth. The air in the bathroom is humid and hot and I have to wipe the mirror to be able to see myself. I wash my face and brush my teeth. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I still get goosebumps. I haven't quite gotten used to my new appearance yet. I am not sure if I ever will.