A broken heart

Chapter 14

"It's all right, as I said I understand. As much as it hurt to wake up without you being right there by my side, I understand now. And I know that you can't always be by my side."

"I am so sorry that I hurt you detka. Not just that day by not being there when you woke up. But every single time that I have said or done something, anything, that has hurt you in any way. And even when I didn't say or do something, when I should have, and it hurt you. I am soooo soooo sorry detka, so so sorry. And just so you have zero doubts, from the moment that I knocked on your door earlier today until the end of my time on this Earth and far beyond, I am going to be right by your side. Always by your side lyubov' moya. Always and forever." (baby, baby, my love)

"It's all right my love, as I said I understand now."

Her eyebrows scrunched up for a moment.

"What?" I asked.

"Why didn't you come see me at the infirmary after we got Lissa back?"

"I did..."

She tried to interrupt but I stopped her by laying my finger over her lips.

"But I intentionally only came by while you were asleep. But I was there several times a day EVERY-SINGLE-DAY, I promise."

"But why only when I was asleep?"

I was so deeply embarrassed and ashamed of my answer, but I answered her question just the same anyway.

'No more lies even by omission.' I reminded myself once again.

"Same reason as before. I was a yeblya idiot, and I was afraid that if you saw me that you would figure out JUST how very much and deeply that I love you. Plus, the fact that I couldn't face you after what happened with the charm. Well to be more accurate the things that I said and the way that I behaved afterwards. I was so very deeply ashamed of, disgusted with and embarrassed by my behavior. And because I was afraid that you would feel like I used you and you would hate me for what happened. And if you hated me, I wouldn't have been able to handle it, it would have broken me. Forever and beyond repair." I answered honestly. (fucking)

"Oh Comrade." She sighed looking like she was about to cry.

"I could NEVER hate you Dimitri, not ever. Not for that or anything else. I love you so much baby, so so so much. I wish that I had words that are grand or eloquent enough to express to you just exactly how much I love you. No matter how hard they would try, not even Shakespeare, Socrates, or Plato could never manage to put words together that are magnificent or worthy enough of you to explain to you just how much I love you, my love."

She started shaking her head, "it is just impossible for anyone to come up with words that are grand enough to explain the depths and breadths of my love for you. Words that are magnificent enough to explain my love for you to you or anyone else. I love you so much that a simple I love you is just not... well to be honest not even that can explain to you just how much that I love you, my love."

"Oh Roza, hearing an I love you from you is everything that I have ever hoped, wished, dreamed, and prayed to hear from you. A simple I love you, as you put it, is perfect detka. It is absolutely perfect to me lyubov' moya. An 'I love you' from you means the world to me my lyubov' moya." (baby, my love, my love)

She smiled at my words after which we made out for quite a while after our latest declarations of love to each other. And eventually we did get back to our previous discussion.

"Is there anything that you can't self-heal?"

"Not that I know of, at least not yet. I mean if I was unconscious, as I said earlier, and I was bleeding profusely then I doubt that I could heal myself fast enough to keep myself from bleeding to death."