Fools

38- Sam

⚠️TW: talk of SA⚠️

Sam

Noah was stationed between my legs, his head on my chest as he held onto me. His arms were tightly wrapped around me as if I was a life jacket and he was terrified of drowning. We were both sitting in water that had dripped off our swim trunks and onto the tiled floor. And we stayed like that. I stayed with Noah, holding him, stoking his hair, and rocking him for about ten minutes before he calmed down.

I had never seen Noah like that. He didn't even know it was me when I rushed into the bathroom. He was shoving me away. I thought he said someone's name through his panic, but I couldn't make it out.

But then he was calm. "It's okay, Noah. It's me, you're safe," I kept telling him and eventually he looked up at me. He was crying. And I knew I was too just from seeing Noah break down like that. It was heart breaking.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Shhh," I brushed the wet hair that stuck to his forehead, out of the way. "It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for." He laid his head back down on me and just breathed and we stayed like that again for another five minutes before he sat up, wiping his eyes. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

He didn't speak, just played with my fingers. And I wasn't going to make him speak. Clearly something about his birthday triggered him which looked as though, no one- including Kaitlyn- knew about. So, I wasn't going to push the matter.

I was about to change the subject and suggest to get in warm clothes, but he spoke, "On my thirteen birthday, my 'golden' birthday," he scoffed, resentful, "My... my dad has this friend-" my hand covered my mouth, I had a feeling, a God awful feeling, I knew where this was going. I was trying so hard to keep it together for Noah as he continued, "he was always around and always saying stuff to me and, on my birthday... fuck, it's so embarrassing."

I held his face in my hands, "hey, you don't have to be embarrassed, and you also don't have to tell me. But, I'm here for you, if you do."

"I've never told anyone, but I... I want to tell you, but I don't want you to see me differently."

"Never," I told him firmly. "You could never tell me a part of your past that would make me view you any different than how I see you now."

"It's not even anything," Noah downplayed it, then took a shaky breath, "He only touched me and he- he made me touch him and that was it, but it makes me feel so pathetic," Noah had tears falling down his face and I was choking back tears of my own. "Fuck, I thought I was over it. But, I just- it's so stupid."

"It's not," I shook my head. "And it's not something to quickly get over even after five years. He took a part away from you, Noah, you can take as much time as you need to heal and rebuild that part of you. There's no time limit for that. You're not pathetic. It's not stupid. And you sure as hell shouldn't be embarrassed. You were a kid, Noah."

I didn't know if what I was saying was the right thing. What could you say in a situation like this? But, I just hoped that what I was saying stuck with Noah. No one deserved to experience what he went through and then to downplay the whole thing. My heart was breaking for him as I watched him tremble and cry.

Noah just looked at me, searching my eyes, and whether I told him the right thing or not, Noah said softly, "Thank you for being here and staying with me."

"Of course, Noah, always."

"Sam, I-" Noah took a deep breath, "I'm..." my heartbeat picked up pace. Was Noah going to tell me...? "Just really thankful to have you in my life."

I tried not to show disappointment as I smiled and pressed my lips to his. I thought he was going to tell me he loved me. "I'm thankful you're in my life too," I told him.

"I think I'm going to shower and go to bed. Could you let them know... and maybe put my cheese cake in the fridge?"

I kissed his forehead. "Yes, I can do that." I stood up and held out my hand for him. "I'll see you in the morning?" He took my hand and I brought him up.

"Bright and early," he nodded, his eyes and face puffy from fallen tears and his nose, red. I kissed him one more time before walking out of the bathroom.

Jason was sitting on the couch, and stood up when he saw me. "What's going on? Is he okay?"

I nodded. I knew I had to tread water with how I answered the inevitable questions. "He's okay. He had a panic attack. I'm not too sure why, he wouldn't tell me."

"Shit," Jason sighed looking guilty, "I knew he didn't like his birthday. But he seemed more happy lately, so," Jason shrugged, "I don't know, I thought it'd be okay."

"It's not your fault," I told him. "Noah's not mad at you guys or anything. You're a good friend, Jason. But as you know, Noah has his demons and he keeps them to himself. All we can do is be there for him."

And suddenly, I was pulled into a hug, "you're a good friend too. I'm sorry. I'm also really high," he confessed which made me chuckle and we pulled back.

"He wanted me to tell you guys that he's going to bed. And to be honest, I don't want to go out there and have all of them bombard me with questions, so I'm just gonna' go to bed too."

"Say no more, I'll tell them everything."

I smiled gratefully before adding, "also, could you put his cake in the fridge?" I chuckled lightly.

"Already done."

I thanked Jason and we exchanged 'goodnight's.

That night, I never wanted anything more than to be in Noah's arms and fall asleep next to him.

**

Rough two chapters, but Noah and Sam still have two more nights in Wisconsin. Think Noah will come out to them?

Thank you for reading <3

-Xoxo, Bert