The Sound of Silence

Chapter 8

I didn't know which diagnosis I wanted. Autistic, he might still be able to hear, and he might be able to appreciate the world of music we inhabited. There were therapies and schools and programs we could enroll him in so he could live the best life possible.

If he was deaf, well, there were still schools and therapies and programs that would help him live the best life possible.  But he may never understand or appreciate the world we inhabited.

"We are going to think positively until we know for sure," Sarah said, looking out the front of the car as I drove back home. "Benji is still going to have an amazing life, and we're going to make sure of it."

"Of course he is. We will figure this all out," I said.

At home, my parents asked how the appointment went. We told them about the referral, and that we were just going to go about thinking everything is fine until we knew for sure what we were dealing with.

"What if it's a tumour?" Sarah asked as we lay in bed that night. "Like, what if it's a tumour they can remove and his hearing comes back?"

"I don't want to think about it being a tumour," I admitted. "I think I'd rather he be deaf because he's deaf than him being deaf because of a tumour."

"Yeah," Sarah said. "Same. I just. I don't know."

I rolled onto my side to face my wife.

"Whatever it is, we will figure it out and we will make sure Benji gets the best we can get him. Best schools, best programs, best therapy, best treatments."

Sarah smiled at me.  We fell asleep with our arms around each other.

The next morning, Sarah was up feeding Benji while I was making breakfast for the two of us and my parents. It was still pretty early, but not too early. My phone started ringing while I was flipping eggs.

"Hello?" I said, not recognizing the number.

"Mr. Urie?" the voice on the other end said.

"Speaking," I said.

"This is Marcia. I'm Dr. Chapnick's receptionist. We got a referral for Benjamin from Dr. Smith?"

"Oh, yes," I said. "Hi. We call him Benji, but yeah."

"Benji. Got it," I could hear the smile in her voice. "So, Dr. Chapnick has an opening this afternoon, actually, at two. Would you be able to bring Benji in then?"

I was stunned. Either Dr. Smith was seriously concerned or he'd pulled strings because of his connection with Dr. Chapnick.

"Yes, yeah. We can be there for two," I said. I wrote down the address and the directions she gave me, knowing I'd use my GPS anyway.

"Benji naps at two," Sarah said, as I hung up.

"Benji is going to see Dr. Chapnick at two," I said. "He can nap on the way there and after. He's a good baby. He seems fine when his nap is interrupted.

Sarah shrugged. It was true. We'd had to move him around a few times when he was supposed to be napping, and keep him awake during his nap time a couple of times. He just went back to sleep after. 

After breakfast, my mom helped us clean up,  and we sat outside with Benji and the dogs, just talking. I went into my studio for a few minutes to do a few things, check some emails and the like. I had some business to attend to as I was working on an album, and I needed to keep in touch with the band and the management team.

"Bren," Sarah said, poking her head in, Benji in her arms. He smiled when he saw me. "We should get going."

"Right. Sorry. Time got away from me," I said.

"No problem," she smiled.  She knew when I had work to do, I could lose track of time. Especially when a new album was in the works.

I closed out some of the things I'd been working on and closed my studio.

"Let us know how it goes," my mom said. I nodded to her as I put Benji in the car.

I navigated us to the doctor's office, while Sarah and I held hands. We were still quiet, still worried about what this appointment could tell us.

"How do they check the hearing on a baby?" I asked. "It's not like he's going to repeat words or tell them which side the sound is coming from."

Sarah shrugged.

"They've been doing it for years. I'm sure they have equipment."

"Huh," I said. "Should at least be interesting."

We got to the office and got Benji registered. I gave them our insurance information and we waited to be called in.

"Hi there," the technologist said, after calling us in. "I'm going to perform the hearing test on Benji, then the doctor will speak with you."

"Okay," I said.

We followed her into a room where she had Sarah take Benji out of his car seat and put him down on the padded table. She then put a small, foam thing connected to a wire that connected to a machine, into his ear. Benji didn't love it, but he didn't fuss too much.

The tech pushed some buttons and then repeated the procedure on the other ear.

She didn't say anything while conducting the test, or after.

"So?" I asked. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm going to go give the results to the doctor and he'll be in to talk with you," she said. She gave no indication as to whether she thought Benji was fine or not.

Sarah picked Benji up and snuggled him close. She fed him a bit so he'd relax and stop fussing. He fell asleep in her arms.

Maybe twenty minutes passed before the doctor came in.

"Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Urie. And a very sleeping Benji, I see," he smiled.

"Hi," I said. "So, Doc, what's the word? Is Benji okay?"

"Benji is a very healthy little boy," he said. I sighed. Maybe I was worried for no reason. "Dr. Smith's referral tells me he's developing mostly as he should be for his age, and I can see he's a healthy baby."

"So, we were worried for nothing?" I said.

"Well, not for nothing. Benji does have a profound hearing loss. He has about 20% hearing in his left ear and 10% in his right. We might be able to improve that with hearing aids when he's a little bit older, or maybe consider cochlear implants when he's about two."

I sat in stunned silence. Benji is deaf.