The Sound of Silence

Chapter 7

"Brendon, slow down," my mom was saying as I pushed Benji's stroller back towards the car.  Sarah was following close to me. She got him clipped into the car, I put the stroller away in the back.

Once done, Sarah broke down into tears while my parents asked what was happening.  I sat in the driver's seat and just stared straight ahead. 

"There's something wrong with Benji," I said. 

"What do you mean?" my mom said, looking at Benji, who'd woken up by now and was just looking around. "He looks fine to me."

"I don't think he can hear," I said. 

"Nonsense.  What do you mean?" my mom said. 

"The fire truck. It blared its horn and Benji didn't flinch. He stayed asleep. It didn't wake him up. Right there, practically right over his head, and he didn't even notice," I said. 

Sarah looked up. 

"I'm calling the pediatrician tomorrow," she said. "We need to get him checked out."

Everyone was silent for the drive home.  

We continued on with the rest of our plans for the day. We went over to Pete and Meagan's for a barbecue, as planned, and we tried to pretend everything was normal and there were  no problems. I think Pete noticed I was distracted some, but mostly just checked in, and accepted when I said I was fine, just sleep deprived with a newborn. 

We wound up leaving the barbecue early, and honestly, Benji is a great excuse when you need to leave somewhere. 

In the morning, Sarah was up with Benji, feeding him and calling the pediatrician's office. 

"Dr. Smith can see us at eleven," she said. 

"Okay. Perfect," I said. 

I went out into my studio and looked around at all my instruments. If Sarah and I were right, Benji would never hear the beauty of music. I sat down and cried. If we were right, Benji wouldn't play an instrument, sing, or understand the world I inhabited. 

"We can't think like that, not until we know for sure," I said to myself. 

My phone bleeped with a text. It was Sarah telling me it was time to go to the doctor. I left my studio, my safe world where nothing bad ever happened and went into the house. Sarah had Benji in his car seat ready to go.

I picked him up and we left the house. My parents stayed back.

Sarah and I were silent on the drive to the doctor's office. Both of us were in our own worlds, thinking about, most likely, the same thing. What if Benji couldn't hear? What would we do? How would we help him navigate the world? Would he ever understand my world?

As soon as I parked the car, Sarah grabbed my hand before I could get out of the car. 

"No matter what the doctor says, Benji is our son, and we're going to do everything we can to help him," she said, looking into my brown eyes with her piercing blue ones. "Everything."

"Of course, love," I said to her. "Everything. He's still our precious boy, and we'll figure things out."

Sarah smiled at me and we got out of the car. Sarah grabbed the diaper bag and I grabbed Benji's car seat. 

The wait to see the doctor in the waiting room was excruciating. I didn't even know how I was going to explain what we were worried about.  I looked at Benji, sitting in his car seat, smiling up at me and kicking his legs.  I leaned down, unbuckled him and picked him up. 

"You're okay, right buddy?" I said, sitting him on my lap facing me. He pushed himself up and giggled. 

"Benji Urie?" the assistant said, coming into the waiting area. Sarah picked up the empty car seat while I carried Benji. She led us into a room and opened Benji's chart. 

"What brings you guys here?" she asked. 

"We," I started. "We're concerned about Benji's hearing."

"How so?" she asked, looking at Benji, sitting in my lap and smiling up at the assistant. 

"We were at a parade yesterday, and a fire engine blared its horn pretty much right over his head. He was asleep and it didn't wake him up. There were other kids around who were startled or crying. Benji didn't react at all."

"Hmm. Okay," the assistant said, making some notes. "The doctor will be here in just a minute."

She left us in the room, closing the door. Sarah was holding Benji's hand while I bounced him on my knee. I couldn't sit still, and he liked the bouncing motion, so it worked out for us. 

"Good morning Urie family," Dr. Smith said, coming into the room and sitting down at the desk. "So, what seems to be the trouble?" 

He looked over the notes the assistant had written down. 

"We're concerned about Benji's hearing?" he asked. I nodded and related the story to him that I had just told the assistant.

"I see," Dr. Smith said, looking down at Benji. "So, little man, you've got your parents worried. Let's take a look at you, shall we?" 

Benji looked at the doctor. Obviously, I wasn't expecting him to react. He was still just a baby.

The doctor took out an otoscope and looked in Benji's ears. I didn't know if you could see deafness. 

"Well, his ears are clear. There's no buildup of wax that could contribute to hearing loss," he said. "I'm going to refer you to a pediatric otolaryngologist for some testing, okay? You should hear from Dr. Chapnick's office in a day or so, and I expect they're going to be able to see you pretty soon. Within the week. Dr. Chapnick is a colleague of mine and we were in the same class in med school, so I'll tell his office to see you ASAP."

"Thank you," Sarah said. 

"I don't want to say you have nothing to worry about until we know what's going on, but Benji looks otherwise very healthy. He's growing at exactly the rate I would expect, his eyes look good, he's engaged and seems very happy. So from a neurological standpoint, I think he's fine. If Dr. Chapnick doesn't find anything, we'll investigate a neurological route, just in case."

"Just in case of what?" I asked. "Could he be autistic?"

"It's a possibility. Sometimes autistic children don't react the same way to sounds. But we're not thinking about that until we have to. So please don't think that, okay? Once you have an appointment with Dr. Chapnick set up, and I get his report, we'll book another appointment. Sound good?"

I nodded. 

Sarah and I bundled Benji back into his car seat and headed home.