the other Son

1999

The school grounds were a bubble, a glass sphere restricting any contact with the outside world. In spring, fog swirled around the outside and she felt even more abandoned, unsure whether there was something else out there.

Of course they were allowed to go into town on Saturdays and since the other students returned with candies and magazines and whatever a teenager's heart desired, she reckoned there was still life out there. They were teenagers and so the teachers had a close eye on them abiding to the rules: stay in groups of three or more, back by five o'clock and upon their return the bags were searched for anything off-limits.

She watched her peers' noisy return with the bitter taste of jealousy on her tongue and the reluctant confession of how much it bothered her to be excluded from those trips, simply because there was no one willing to form a group with her.

While her roommate Ulrika avoided social suicide by not openly acquainting with her Elise was busy with the rowing team. Her Saturdays were spent out on the water, braving the cold and the currents, and she returned with red cheeks and sweaty hair and a light in her eyes and a spring to her step and it was just another reason for jealousy. She wanted to belong somewhere just as much as Elise belonged onto the water where her big nose was not big anymore and her receding chin was not receding anymore but she was power and movement and part of a bigger thing.

She wouldn't want to force Elise to choose between rowing and her. The other girl wasn't far from being the school's victim anyway and being seen with her would knock her down another step, free to torment. Creon would destroy her.

Sunday morning, she sat between Ulrika and Elise in the chapel, the young pastor's voice droning on and on. It was cold and quiet and she could see the calluses on Elise's hands.

She turned her head slightly to look at the group of girls further back, the one girl – Kim or Kimberly - who had made oinking sounds next to her when she had put sugar in her tea this morning. The girl was young and fresh and her actions had been rewarded with a seat closer to the group's leader. Oh, how simple, how predictable. Kimberly didn't know how replaceable she was.

Mass ended and the student's left the chapel, dragging their feet, subdued by how early it was.

She waited until most of them had shouldered their way out into the cold spring morning and trudged to the doors behind Elise who was being polite by staying by her side instead of running over to her rowing friends like she obviously longed to do. It was nice, yes.

"See you at lunch?"

Elise smiled at the offer, the permission to abandon her. "See you later!"

She stepped out into the pale morning light on her own and tightened her scarf so the cold wind wouldn't creep down the nape of her neck anymore. The air was crisp and sharp like ice.

"Oi, piggy!"

Kimberly.

Of course.

She glanced over at the shivering group of girls, their bored attention. They were skinny, devotedly starving themselves to look like the women in the magazines they so reverently studied in every free minute. Skinny became equal to beautiful at some point during humankind's evolution.

"Gonna gobble down some more sugar, piggy?"

She ignored them and their stupid giggling.

Creon watched them from further down the path and she was uncomfortably reminded of a documentary they had watched in class recently. A group of lionesses had taken down a buffalo and the male lion had swept in at the end, delivering the deathly bite to the jugular with frightening ease.

Creon might decide to get in on the fun, kick her when she was already on the ground.

She pressed her lips together and quickly turned, choosing to take the long way around back to the main building or otherwise she would have to walk past Creon and his hunger.

Heavy steps crunched on the gravel behind her and she felt her pulse quicken. She wasn't afraid, right, not of those boys and their stupid games and-

Someone shoved her hard from behind and she flew forwards, the ground coming closer rapidly. The air was knocked out of her and her palms burned where she had slowed her impact. She coughed and sucked air into her lungs.

The girl's screeching giggles were audible through the ringing in her ears.

"Piggy, huh?"

Creon, of course Creon.

"Well, look at her. Doesn't she look like a piggy?" A scrawny red-head next to Creon. The kid laughed and kicked some of the dirty gravel in her face.

Creon crouched down next to her and observed her closely, like an ancient text he intended to decipher word for word.

She got to her hands and knees, ignoring the burning pain of her palms. Creon's cerulean eyes followed her every move.

His hand shot out and pressed her cheek back into the gravel.

"Will you squeak for me, piggy?"

She struggled but he had grabbed her by the hair and only held on tighter the more she squirmed. Tears of utter helplessness pricked her eyes and she cursed herself for being so weak.

Then, her fingers closed around a larger stone. Maybe the size of a chicken egg, cold and round. A surge of adrenaline flooded her veins and she could already see the stone bash against Creon's smug face, skin and flesh giving in under the rock, maybe he would even loose a tooth, maybe his nose would break. Anything to destroy him, destroy the supremacy he displayed with every breath, every twitch of his lips.

She gathered all her strength and stared at his face. So close, so close. He wouldn't expect it.

"Hey!"

The red-head jumped and his gleeful expression morphed to fear.

"What do you think you're doing, boys?"

She recognized the pastor's voice and by the sound of gravel he was hurrying closer.

Creon stared at her a moment longer, glanced at where she was still gripping the stone and smirked. "Nice try, piggy."

He straightened and stepped back. "She fell."

The pastor's shiny black shoes entered her field of vision. He sounded out of breath as he asked, "She fell?"

"Yes, Sir. I was trying to help her back up."

Lies, lies, lies. Dirty, dirty liar.

"I believe you better go inside now. I'll take care of her."

She closed her eyes, let her cheek rest a moment longer against the ground.

"Are you alright? Can you stand up?"

She got to her feet with his help and dusted off her hands and clothes although she'd need to put them in the wash anyway to get out the stains. "Thank you, I'm alright."

The young pastor examined her intently with his forehead wrinkled deeply. "They-" He paused and licked his lips, eyes flickering to her cheek where the rosy line was still visible. "They didn't push you, did they?"

"No. I tripped."

He nodded slowly and sighed. "Alright. You know where the nurse's office is in case you're feeling unwell."

She nodded obediently.

After one last look and a sigh he turned and walked back to the chapel.

She watched his retreating back and let the rock fall from her clenched fingers. An opportunity lost.