The Way Love Changes You; Book One: Love's Firsts

40/XL: Birthday Discussion

~Avellana~

Sunday, December 8, 2019

It's only been a month since our breakup, and it's been very hard to not cry every time Indy's name is mentioned. Today's even harder because today's my birthday, and she's not here to celebrate it with me, along with what could've been our three-month anniversary...the best birthday present I could've received. It would've been the happiest birthday I'd ever have.

Ever since I found out why Indy broke up with me, I was about to make the worst mistake of my life, and Jonni would've been the only witness. I was unfit to go back to college for, like, five school days. Every single professor excused me for my five school day absence, for I turned in my projects early and was acing those classes anyway. Had I made that mistake right then and there, it would've made all the friends I've made miss me, and I wouldn't be able to reverse it. Once it's done, it's over. She'd even miss me, and I wouldn't be able to regret it. All because I broke her heart and basically put all my life in her, and I shouldn't have.

It's taken me some time to reflect on how I have my own life and that I'm responsible for my own happiness in all forms. I'm still learning that, even after a month. I'm grateful for Jonni being a huge part of my life. They told me this. If they hadn't told me that or had left me to wallow in my sorrows that day when they found me in their apartment, I wouldn't be here sharing this chapter.

Anyway, over the past month, I've gotten my job back since the store had finally been restored. However, I wanted to temporarily switch positions to just stocking items because I didn't want to work with people. Not in the condition I was in because of the breakup. The good thing about it was that everybody was getting pay raises. Like, three dollars more because of what happened to the store. Everything in the store stayed the same price,which was even better for us.

The week before Thanksgiving, I cut my hair. Almost all of it. Not to the point of going bald, but I had a curly top like Jonni. It wasn't the greatest decision I made. I thought that it'd make me feel better by changing my appearance a little, so I got a haircut, cutting practically all my hair. I tried to make myself like it because I paid money to get it done. It only made me cry even more when I was already lamenting over Indy. I felt naked without my hair. I've cut a lot of memories away, too.

However, I took more time to muse on my hair, that it's a way for me to start making new memories. It has taken some time to get used to my short hair, although I've done it before. Though, I was a bit of a rebel then, and I didn't care too much about my hair. It was about time to make new memories with a new head of hair anyway. That's one of the only good things about cutting my hair.

Over time, I've been mistaken for a guy a few times, too, along with wearing baggy clothes to stay warm. That's the only other good thing about cutting my hair. It'd put some light in my day. I hoped that it would grow back and that I would care for it better by not dying it or bleaching it. It'd give me a chance to start over. If only I could start another thing over...

I wanted to find Indy and talk to her after taking a month to calm myself down and think about it. I wanted to clear some things up with her. Cheating was and is never in my nature. So, it'd still baffle me to this day as to why I'd ever be accused of cheating. I hardly know anyone here to cheat on Indy with. Is it because I'm attractive? It's flattering to say the very least, but I'm no traitor, nor would I ever allow anybody to trick me into doing so.

Indy needed to know the truth, and I was determined to find her and discuss it over.

~❦~

The first place I thought about finding Indy was at her giant family house. Her car wouldn't be hard to spot since she's the only one who owned a black vehicle in the family. If it wasn't there, I wouldn't want to intrude and ask them if they knew where she was. I told Jonni that I was heading out and then drove out to go talk to Indy.