It's Our Secret

Chapter 49 - Tillies Vs Lionesses

"So rude!" I joked to Sam.

"But it was such a huge moment for the Matildas, and something I will look back on and be proud about!

"That is very true and I'm very proud of you."

"This one is for Ett," Millie said. "What is it like playing with your sister?"

"It's pretty crazy," I started to reply, "it's something we had always dreamt of doing and now to be finally doing it, it doesn't feel real."

"I couldn't imagine doing what you two are doing," Erin said.

"Same," Sam replied.

"Funniest person out of us four?" Millie then asked. We all turned to Erin, who couldn't help but go slightly red.

"The thing is," Sam started to say, "we all laugh at you rather than with you."

"We still laugh though," Millie said.

"Dream five a side?"

"Hm, that's a tough one," Sam said, "I'm not sure I could choose only five."

"Well, I'd choose Samantha May Kerr, Erin Jacqueline Cuthbert, Millie Bright, Keira Fae Walsh and Juliette Mae Walsh."

"Really had to do our full names?" Sam asked.

"It had effect!" I retorted back.

We continued on the live for a little while, becoming more chaotic with every minute that passed. Soon, we arrived in Manchester and Millie shut off the phone.

The next day, we versed United. As I sat in the change room, about to head out on the ground, I heard my phone buzz. It was Leah.

Leah: listen, I know you said you wanted a few weeks, but I think we need to talk properly.

Ettie: yeah, i'm sorry. I arrive back tonight, come over and we can talk.

"Ettie, we're going out!" Magda said, as I still sat on the bench. I didn't reply to my captain, and instead got entranced in my own world of self doubt and worry. How am I supposed to tell someone I love so much that I need to start loving myself again?

"Ettie?!" Magda said again, this time more concerned. All the other girls had already gone and lined up. Magda came over, sitting beside me as I stared at my shoes. "Ettie, are you okay?" I nodded frantically, standing up.

"Yeah, sorry. Just started concentrating too hard." I walked out of the room, and Magda came up beside me. She grabbed my hand, squeezed it slightly, and then lined up at the front of the line on the pitch.

"We now have the full Chelsea squad!" The commentator said over the speaker. I felt physically fit - my heart was steady, my legs were rested and my senses were intact. But, my mind wasn't there. This was all having a larger impact than I had initially let on.

The game was alright. We scraped through with a 1-0 win. I was glad United wasn't able to score on us, as that would only have cemented the fact that I wasn't okay to play, mentally. I was glad to know that I still did my job, and did it well.

After the match, I was in the locker room. All the other girls were already on the bus, ready to head home, but I was slow and always last. Emma came into the locker room, and I could tell she wanted to talk.

"Juliette?" She said, walking into the room.

"Is everything okay? I know I'm super slow, I'm sorry to keep everyone waiting," I replied to my manager.

"No, no, it's okay, they can wait. I want to talk to you." She came over and sat beside me, looking slightly concerned. "You played great, don't get me wrong, but you didn't look okay - is everything alright?"