My Empire of Dirt

Push Me Away

She reached up and pulled the door open again to listen, she needed to hear the rest before she jumped to conclusions.

"You're going to be in LA? When?" Johnny asked, part of him felt butterflies at the prospect of seeing her again, but the rest of him felt nothing more than confusion.

"I am, one of my friends, Kayla is having her baby shower next week, and I have time off because of summer break, so I said I would fly in." Gretchen explained, tracing patterns into the doorway as she spoke. "I- um... I'd really like to see you, if that's ok?" She finally asked.

"You-? I... yeah, I think that would be a really good idea, what hotel are you staying at? We can meet for lunch." Johnny replied, unaware that Lily was listening to every word he was saying to his ex.

That was all the bassist needed to hear.

She stood up, and wiped the tears from her eyes. It appeared that Johnny had made his choice already. She grabbed her duffle bag from the floor, and started stuffing her clothes into it- almost all of it was in there,having moved in to the master bedroom a week and a half ago- before she pulled out her phone, and looked up flights to LA.

She found one for that evening and booked it without hesitation, ordering an uber for herself as well. Lily knew she was probably being brash, and that she needed to hear Johnny out first, and she would... but she wanted a backup plan first and foremost.

She went into the hall to check the other bedroom for any clothes she may have left, and heard Johnny's raspy voice.

"Ok, I'll see you Friday... alright, I- ok, bye." Well he didn't say he loved her, so that was at least somewhat comforting to Lily.

Johnny was in a daze, he was so conflicted and confused. Just five minutes ago, he was ready to completely cut off the past and move forward with his life, but one phone call later left him disoriented.

Was the conflicting emotions actually valid, or were they merely a ghost of what he once felt for Gretchen clouding his judgment.

He walked back upstairs to find the bedroom empty.

'This is probably bad.' He thought to himself, turning when he heard footsteps behind him to see Lily, who did not look happy.

"So you're seeing her." She said, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"Lily, I know what that looks like, but-" Johnny tried to explain, but Lily merely scoffed, pushing past him to go downstairs.

"Lily, just please give me a chance to explain!" He all but begged, catching her hand in his own to stop her.

"Do you still love her?" Lily asked instead, spinning around to face him, but there was no anger in her voice, only hurt.

"I-" Johnny cut himself off, he could lie to her and say he didn't... but the problem was, he didn't know whether or not he did. "I don't know." He admitted, refusing to lie to her anymore.

That stung more than a yes or a no. Lily blinked away tears and turned away from him. "What the hell is that even supposed to mean?" She asked shakily.

"Lily, I just- I don't know..." The singer mumbled, looking away from her.

"Well I guess you can let me know when you do." She whispered, walking into the bedroom, and grabbed a pair of sweatpants to put on, knowing her uber would be ther any minute.

"Where are you going?" Johnny asked, noticing her bag had been packed.

'Shit.'

"Home." Lily said stiffly, going into the bathroom to grab her toiletries. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want Johnny to let her leave, but she needed time to think, and so did the singer, apparently.