How To Stay Afloat (BxB)

Chapter 9: Angry words are civil thoughts

I'm still laying in bed when I hear my parents get ready for church. My mom's loud gasp followed by her shouting my brother's name lets me know that Caleb is still asleep on the couch.

I stretch my limbs and get up. I didn't brush my teeth yesterday so I go straight to the bathroom to take a shower and brush my teeth. I always brush out my wet hair with my hands or with a brush and then I shake my head so my hair falls right. If I brush my hair while dry, I look like a broom. It's getting too long. I try to scrunch the hair a bit so it stays shorter, but it's starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I should just have it cut, or cut it myself. The curls do a good job of hiding bad haircuts.

I put on some black jeans, which turn out to be Austin's and a long sleeved shirt.

When I go downstairs Caleb and dad are already sitting at the kitchen table, while mom is making scrambled eggs.

"Morning." I greet them when I sit down, too.

"You traitor just left me on the couch." Caleb says to me and I just stick out my tongue. Caleb has a deep sleep, like my dad. They never once wake up and waking them up in the middle of the night is a task that takes at least ten minutes until they're fully awake. It wouldn't even have been worth trying to get him to wake up.

I rub my eyes. "Are you going to church?" I ask my parents and my mom smiles wide.

"Yes. You could join us!" She suggests. "Caleb is coming with us."

Right. There's another thing he's better at than me. Caleb has always been more faithful than I was. I think he believes in god and christianity. Which is great for him. I just never really believed it. At least I can accept it now and don't feel bad about it. I stopped going to church when I was about ten and I completely stopped believing in god when Jared died. God's not real for me and that's fine.

I shake my head. "No, I really don't want to come with you." My mom looks sad, but I'm not gonna spend two hours in a cold building that smells of incense and old people just so she can feel better. She should know me by now. I hated church from a very young age.

And the smell of old people is horrible. I hope when I'm old they have come up with a cure for that stench.

"That's fine. You have a lot to do, you can always pray to god from home." She says and I just wanna cry or laugh, I don't know which one.

I fake a smile. Praying from home, what a joke. I haven't prayed in months. The last time I prayed was in July. I asked God to bring back my best friend. He didn't listen and I didn't ask again.

I take a slice of bread from the bowl on the countertop and put some vegan butter and jam on it. I sit back down and watch my mom put three plates with eggs on the table. I hate the way eggs smell.

I hate a lot of smells, it seems.

They talk about the priest and I zone out. Caleb isn't straight. That's still so confusing and shocking. I look at him. He looks straight. Why didn't he ever tell me he's not straight?

Maybe that's also why he always I'm not straight. Because he isn't himself.

Maybe he is straight after all and that non-binary person was an exception that gave his straightness a slight curve.

Caleb catches me staring and raises his eyebrow. "What?" He asks me and I just shake my head.

"Nothing." I say dismissively and look away.

After everyone ate up they get ready and leave. It's nice to have the house for myself for a few hours.

I decide to call Carla since she texted me and I didn't reply. She also owes me an explanation.