The Secrets That Save Us

Chapter 28

Kaylie

"What.. what do you mean?" I ask Ellen.

"Oh sweetie come on. Looking at that little boy is like looking at Cole when he was his age. I'd bet my life on the fact Tyler's my grandson." There's no malice in her voice, only fact.

"I uh.. I"

"Ellen! Gary's voice raises slightly, huh wasn't he asleep in the living room?

"I told you to keep out of this woman!" he hush whispers. Wait, he knows too?

Ellen wafts her hand, "Hush Gary, I've kept out of it since Grace's graduation, I could tell then."

"Yeah, well I had a suspicion as soon as I seen Tyler, but you don't see me interfering do you?!" He's not actually angry, he's just slightly irate.

Ellen looks shocked, "And you didn't tell me?"

"No you nosey woman, and this is why! let people confess there own secrets in there own time for gods sake. The poor girl looks like she's about to throw up with you dropping this on her like that."

"Oh i'm not trying to make you feel bad hunny, sooner you tell him though the better." She tells me with a reassuring smile.

Gary offers me a kind smile, "Tell him in you're own time sweetie." They may as well be talking about the weather they're so casual about it.

"He's gonna be soooo pissed." I say hanging my head in shame.

"Noo." Gary starts.

"Definitely." Ellen says at the same time.

"Ellen! You're not helping." Gary sighs and rubs his hand down his face, a mannerism I've noticed Cole does a lot.

"Well would you rather I lied?" She looks like a child thats been scolded as she crosses her arms and almost huffs.

"You tell him when you're ready. You've raised Tyler on your own with no help, It's your descision. But we are all here and dying to get to know our grandson if and when you're ready." Gary tells me.

Ellen puts a gentle hand on my arm, "He'll forgive you Darling, he loves that boy and I know his feelings for you aren't far behind that. He'll be pissed, but he'll get over it."

I realise Ellen and Gary are right. Plus It's not just Cole who I'm hurting, Ellen and Gary, Tyler's uncles and aunties and not to mention Tyler himself, I'm depriving them all.

I head upstairs where Parker and Joey said they had seen Cole go and it feels like I'm climbing a mountain.

I hear voices coming from Grace's bedroom so I wait outside when I hear Cole telling them, everything. The fact that we slept together the night Josh died. How he feels about it and blames himself. How he feels like it should have been him.

Hearing Cole talk this way breaks my heart. I knew he felt guilty but I didn't realise he felt like this.

Grace and Mia are trying to reassure him but he's not listening.

"No, but my actions are, If I had of went then maybe Josh would still be here, with his family, where he belongs." Cole says and I can't take it anymore.

"It's not his family though, It's yours." I say as I enter the room.

All three pairs of eyes snap towards me and I realise I should have done this a little better. Shit it's done now.

"Kaylie that's sweet but it's not, not really." Cole says offering me small smile. Shit, he thinks I mean hypothetically.

"No, Cole, you're not listening." I try, he looks at me in confusion. I can tell by Mia and Grace's faces they've figured it out.

"Okay well I'm gonna go back downstairs, Grace you coming and we'll see which auntie Tyler likes better?" Mia asks standing up. Her and Grace both offer me a soft hand on the shoulder as they pass and leave me alone with Cole.

I sit on the bed beside him and let out a sigh, "Tyler's you're son, Cole."

He scrunches his hand over his face, "But, he can't be, he's Josh's. You told me."

I shake my head, "What was I supposed to say? He's actually yours sorry I haven't told you about him for the last four years, wanna coach his little league? Come on Cole."

He looks pissed. I don't blame him but I hoped I'd be able to explain. He shakes his head and stands.

"Tyler's mine?" He asks trying to wrap his head around this.

I nod my head.

"And you didn't think to fucking tell me?!" He yells and swipes his hand smashing the lamp on Grace's bedside table.

"I have a son, Kaylie and I've missed the first four years of his fucking life, for what?! Because you didn't wanna admit you fucked your dead boyfriend's best friend?" His eyes are burning with anger and his words cut me like a knife.

"Cole." I try, my voice breaking and tears leaking.

"No, don't Cole me." He lets out a humorous laugh, "actually you could have called me."

"I'm so sorry." I tell him tears flowing freely now.

"You know what I'm sorry about? I'm sorry I felt fucking guilty for my son calling me Dad. Like I didn't deserve that." He sighs deflated, "You can stay in the flat tonight I'm gonna stay here, you're house is ready by the way, has been for the last three weeks."

My eyes meet his, "You said it would be another few weeks" I say confused.

"Yeah, guess I lied. Stupid me actually enjoyed having you guys around and plaudits house. Guess I wasn't fucking playing though." He goes to leave the room and I call after him.

"Cole, please, I'm sorry."

He looks at me, the walls that were always so firmly in place back up, his eyes giving away no emotion other than hurt and anger, "Me too. I'll never forgive you for this Kaylie."

And with that he jogs downstairs and slams the front door behind him as he leaves.