Love never dies

▪︎ 26 ▪︎

Before I even open my eyes, I can tell that the day is going to be beautiful. Not for me but like in general. The weather has been great as of late, Ryan has definitely been enjoying it. His aunts and uncles have been over to play with him outside but also taking him out for the day.

Blinking my eyes open, the room is very bright with the sun shining in. I used to love waking up in a room full of sun light, Beca was always beside me and I'd just lay there watching and waiting for her breathtaking midnight blue orbs to open. I remember, the sweet smile that would take over her face when she caught me staring at her, and the way her voice sounded so raspy every time she would ask me "What you staring at stalker?". I always loved her smirk right after those words. My answer to that question was always the same, "Am I not allowed to stare at my gorgeously stunning girlfriend in the mornings". Her reply to that never changed, "Oh you're allowed, just not when I look like shit and my teeth need brushed. When you stare at me, all I want to do is devour you, kiss you until my lips are sore and so much more. I need clean breath for that". I would laugh so hard at those words and I can still feel a little bit of the complete happiness I felt back then. It makes me sad remembering but is also good. I'll never be that happy again, not without Beca.

I'm broken from my thoughts when I hear Ryan calling for me. Not wanting to keep my baby boy waiting, I roll out of bed, place my feet into the waiting slippers, and walk calmly to my sons room. I'm not in a hurry because his call didn't sound urgent.

,,Morning my little Prince, how did you sleep?" I ask, as I walk into his room. Ryan is standing in his cute little Star Wars pajamas waiting.

,,Morning mommy, I had good sleeps." He hugs me tightly now. ,,But mommy look! I did my line and it's only this many days until my party!" His voice raising with his excitement, as he pulls me over to the calender on his wall. It's a child's calendar that I got him because he wanted to be like me. My calender is only for my work schedules and appointments, but he wanted one and I couldn't resist, so I got him a Disney Dreams Collection one. It has pictures from different Disney movies. I love it and so does Ryan.

At the beginning of this month Ryan kept asking me how many days it was until his birthday. To include him in it, we started to cross off each day with a line and he counts the remaining days. Ryan seems to like it so I might keep doing it for other things too.

,,Oh wow, that's not many left at all, let's count and see how many days are left." I put on my excited voice to match his enthusiasm. Usually I don't have to help him, my boy is very smart and knows his numbers up to 30. He counts slowly making sure that he doesn't miss any.

,,Ten! Mommy only ten days and it's my party, I'm so excited!" I love how excited he is about this and it makes me feel like I have to say thank you to my brother and Beca's siblings again. Although I do feel like Emma, Liam and Kara are my siblings now too. I hope Beca wouldn't mind me saying that. Her siblings have been a godsend to me for the last almost 3 years.

,,That's right my love, in ten days we get to have your party. It'll be so much fun, all your aunts and uncles will be there and of course James. I even invited your two friends from the park, Kyle and Mason."

,,Really mommy? I like playing with Kyle and Mason."

,,Really sweetie, I know you like them and they are very excited to come to your party. Their Mommy said so on the phone. So, your party is very close and then the day after you're going to be two years old. You're getting so big." I say, getting emotional. My little man is growing so fast. Soon enough he probably won't even call me mommy anymore, that makes me even sadder.

,,Don't be sad mommy, I'm still little." My son is so cute and very sweet.

,,Thank you honey. Now what do you say we get you ready, you're going over to Aunt Emma's house. I think she has a surprise activity for you and Arwen to do too. It'll be so much fun." Ryan happily chooses his outfit, stating he has to look good for his Auntie. Emma means a lot to both me and Ryan. My little boy is just the cutest!