Love never dies

▪︎ 20 ▪︎

I pack the last few items I need into the trunk of my car and smile before shutting it close. Today is the fourth of July, and even know I'm not really into celebrating, I'm going to take Ryan to the parade. It will be his first parade because last year I didn't want to go. Beca loved the parade and the accident was still fresh. Aubrey, Amy, and Emily promised to come along with us and I appreciate that.

With a smile on my face, I get into the car and look at Ryan who's safely seated in his car seat.

,,Are you ready, sweety?"

,,Don't know." Ryan pulls up his shoulders and I smile at his cuteness.

,,Well, I think you will love it, sweety. All your favorite cartoon characters will be there. Trust me."

,,Okay, mommy." He tells me and then hugs his stuffed red panda animal. It's so cute that Ryan loves red pandas too, just like Beca did. I start the engine and drive out of the driveway.

After blasting to our favorite tunes, I drive us to our destination. I find it very calming to listen to Beca's favorite songs in the car and feel that my body is relaxed. I get out of the car and look over the parking lot. I see a smiling Emily run over to me, who immediately pulls me into a big hug.

,,There you are!" She smiles after she releases me from her hug. I shake my head, amused by her enthusiasm, and then turn to get Ryan out of the car.

,,We're here, sweety. Aunt Aubrey, Emily, and aunt Amy are already here." They show their faces to my son and his face immediately lights up.

,,Aunt Emily!" He yells and after I free him from his belt, he jumps into her arms, after which he gives Aubrey and Amy a hug.

,,Hello little guy. Are you ready for your first fourth of July parade?" Ryan shrugs his shoulders and they laugh, knowing it's his first parade.

,,Ryan, sweety?" He turns to me. ,,Will you please promise to stay with me the whole time? Hold my hand during the parade and afterward with the fireworks."

,,There be fireworks?" That's the part he's most excited about and I nod smiling.

,,There is always firework on the fourth of July, sweety." He smiles and then wants to pull me with him to the parade but I hold him back, taking him back to the back of the car. I open the trunk and pull out some fourth of July accessories including five T-shirts with the American flag on them and five bandannas with the same print.

,,Seriously?" Aubrey chuckles when she sees the bandannas.

,,Well, we can't be at a fourth of July parade without being at least suitable." I state and hand the three of them a bandanna and a T-shirt. I help Ryan with his T-shirt and tie his bandanna around his forehead. I choose to dress a little bit the same as Ryan, which makes Amy joke about how we both look like hippies. I shut the trunk, lock my car, and then grab a hold of Ryan's tiny hand, while the five of us find ourselves a spot at the front of the barriers. Different kinds of cars pass by, from every century and I can see that everybody put a lot of effort into those cars. The military cars with huge American flags do remind me of Chicago a little and I wonder where he is located right now. I might not be in love with him, but I care about him. I want him to stay alive and be a part of Ryan's life. After the military cars, figures of Nickelodeon come in sight and I smile at Ryan's enthusiasm.

,,Mommy, look!" He points out to a car with Spongebob on it. ,,Spongebob!" This is why I brought him. His enthusiasm makes my day. I think about Beca all day and Ryan makes sure that I laugh remembering Beca, instead of crying. I lift Ryan in my arms and hold him close to me as we both watch the parade continue.