A Tale of Endurance- Spamano

Chapter 15

"Crap, is this thing working?" Lovino asked himself before finding out that the camera was indeed recording what he was saying. He snorted. Well, at least he had made the first step. Today he was going to start a sort of video to give Antonio, Feli and Belle. He would make separate videos for each of them, and he wanted to do it right. Even if he had no idea what to say. Should he give a long speech or simply talk about whatever came to mind? Uhm.

Lovino sighed. Five months had passed since he found out about his impending death. And now he could really feel it. No matter how much morphine he swallowed, he would always be in a lot of pain. He had lost a lot of weight, and Antonio had started checking every single thing he ate (or didn't eat) and was starting to talk about going to a doctor. But Lovino wanted to keep going till the end. So he forced himself to eat and tried to be himself every day. He knew that people were starting to think that something was definetely not right, but at least no one thought that he was going to kick the bucket in a matter of weeks. According to the doctor, if things went on the way they were, he would have another month or two.

Lovino scoffed.

More like a week or two. He could feel it. His body could not go on anymore. Even if he forced himself to eat, his weight went down. Even if he did all the drugs in the world, the pain was still there. Even if he tried to work at the restaurant, he couldn't concentrate anymore. He couldn't go on like that. Sooner or later his body would simply surrender. And when that day came, Lovino hoped with all his heart that it would actually be the end. That no goddamn miracle would save him from the grave. Because the day he would have to go to the hospital would also be the day that Antonio, Belle and Feli found out about his cancer. And about how hard he had worked to hide it from them. And then, they would be furious. They would kick his ass in the middle of next year. They would stop talking to him. But instead, if he died, they would kind of feel compelled to forgive him. And they would watch the video messages he left. And they would understand. And they would thank him for sparing them the heartbreak and effort and money and time...

Or so he hoped.

Lately he had started thinking about what would be different if he had started the treatment. Maybe, some sort of miracle would have kept him alive. Maybe he would have gained another month, or two, or six.

He scoffed. Yeah, sure. Six months more to live in a damn hospital, always aching from the therapies, with the people he had always known talking to him as if he was a time bomb that could blow up at any moment. No one would smile if he was in the room. Feli wouldn't talk about how good her pasta recipe had come out, and being desperate while she was pregnant could not be good for his nephew. And Belle would not tease him or call him schatje anymore, and Antonio would not be able to even stop crying in his presence.

He took a deep breath before looking up towards the camera. His eyes were focused and determined. He suddenly knew what to say.

_

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Antonio got in and put the grocery bags on the kitchen table. Today he was going to make sure that Lovino stuffed himself of the unhealthiest, fattiest food in the world. And if he didn't want to, he'd just shove it down his throat. And then he would make him go to a doctor, because cycling or not, losing nearly 20 kilos in three months was just too damn much.

"Lovino? Are you home?"

Antonio heard his reply coming from upstairs. "Yeah, gimme a minute, I'm coming."