w a t e r s o n g

forgiveness

Crissy's house was at the top of a hill lined with mini mansions which, while beautiful, were exact replicas. Back when Miranda and Raph were looking for a house, they'd decided that their house would be anything but cookie cutter. They wanted something with character. Somehow, though, their ideals fell away and they settled for the nice-but-not-too-extravagant home they lived in now. The pool had been the deciding factor. Miranda swam competitively when she was in college and wanted to keep in shape. Raph had been taken by the potential of the man cave, and so they signed the paperwork. But there had always been a part of Miranda that regretted they hadn't held out for something more special.

Miranda was staring at the three foot "WELCOME" sign propped up on Crissy's porch, just like the various versions on every other porch on this street. The white wicker furniture matched everyone else's as well, and Miranda wondered where they all shopped, so she could avoid it in the future. 

But then, she imagined her daughter and Crissy sitting on the porch when they were small, playing Barbies or drawing on the steps with sidewalk chalk. Her attitude softened, and she vowed to give Crissy a fair chance to explain herself.

Just then, the door swung open, and Crissy's mother appeared. Fiona was a woman in her late forties, and the two had always been friendly to one another, as the girls were nearly inseparable in elementary school. She was always impeccably groomed, and today was no exception. She wore khaki pants and a polo shirt with a cream colored sweater looped around her shoulders. Her hair was freshly highlighted, and her makeup was perfect. 

For just a second, Miranda was filled with anger. It wasn't fair that she had lost her daughter while Fiona still had so much to experience with Crissy--taking prom pictures, moving her to college, dancing at her wedding. Miranda reminded herself that none of this was Fiona's fault, however Crissy may have been involved in Regina's tumultuous final months.

Fiona took one look at Miranda, and her eyes filled with tears. She wrapped her arms around Miranda and squeezed tight. "Fiona, I am so sorry for your loss. I've been meaning to call, but I wasn't sure if you wanted people bothering you right now. Are you okay?" 

Miranda realized that, compared to Fiona, she looked like she just rolled out of bed. Her clothes were crumpled, and she couldn't remember the last time she applied makeup.

"I'm okay, Fiona. I was wondering... is Crissy home?"

Fiona shot Miranda a polite but puzzled look. Miranda supposed she would look the same way if another parent showed up looking for her kid.

"Yes, she's up in her room. Do you want me to get her?" She opened the door wide and held it for Miranda. "Would you like something to drink? Coffee? I just made a fresh pot."

"No, thanks. I'm just here to follow up on a discussion with Crissy a few weeks ago."

The confusion in Fiona's face deepened. "You're making house calls?"

"Not exactly," Miranda replied as the climbed the stairs. "I'll just be a minute."

Miranda had been upstairs in Crissy's house before, to use the bathroom during a party. She remembered passing by Crissy's room and marveling at how neat it was, the exact opposite of Regina's mess at home. She remembered hoping that a little bit of Crissy's clean streak would rub off on Regina. The memory almost physically hurt.

She pushed the reminiscence aside and knocked on Crissy's closed door.

"Go away, Mom! I'm busy!" 

"It's not your mom, Crissy. It's Regina's mom."

There was a long pause, and Regina was about to knock again when the door finally opened.

 Crissy peered at her curiously. "Do you have some news about Regina? What happened to her? I heard there were hand prints on her shoulders, like someone pushed her into the pool."

It took Miranda a second to figure out where Crissy had gotten that information, but then she remembered seeing Serena on her phone. She must have shared something. It felt like a betrayal, Serena telling others the most crucial detail from the coroner's report. Serena would never have spread rumors about her sister when she was alive. How did that change? Especially when she went to such great lengths to hide her sister's pill business, to maintain her sister's perfect reputation. 

There was a difference between the revelations, though. The drugs would have ruined Regina in the eyes of the public, but the handprints painted her as a victim. In Serena's mind, instead of gossiping about Regina's illegal activities, the community would band together to bring the killer to justice. It actually wasn't that bad an idea.

"No, I'm sorry, we don't have any more answers. I was wondering if you would chat with me for a few moments. About Regina, about her boyfriend... about what happened between you two. I remember that visit to my office when you were so upset; you never did tell me what was wrong. Did it have something to do with Regina?"

An expression of fear crossed Crissy's face, one that did not escape Miranda's notice. She took it as a sign that she was right to come here, even though it may have been inappropriate. 

"Please, Crissy. I need to know."

Crissy's nose crinkled up and she started crying. Miranda spotted a box of kleenex on a shelf and grabbed a few to give to Crissy. The two sat on Crissy's bed, not saying anything for a few moments. Then both of them started talking at once.

"Were you and Regina fighting?" Miranda asked.

At the same time, Crissy said, "Something bad happened at my party."

Miranda shut her mouth and waited for Crissy to continue in her own time.

"Regina and Wade were, um, going to have sex for the first time." Crissy's cheeks were bright red. "And she was so worked up about it that she took some pills. Xanax, I think."

"Those were mine," Miranda said dryly. "Were those the only pills there? The only ones Regina handled?" 

Crissy shrugged. "They were the only ones I knew about."

Miranda wanted to press Crissy for information about what Regina was really doing with all those pills, if Serena was telling the truth, but Crissy launched back into her story.

"Anyway, she took too many and ended up passing out in the guest bedroom. I made sure she was sleeping on her side, in case she was sick or something. She and Wade never had sex. He didn't want to take advantage of her when she was messed up."

A sense of relief passed through Miranda, but it was quickly replaced by a profound sadness. Her daughter would never know the beauty of truly loving someone and being loved back in that way. From the sounds of it, she and Wade had a falling out shortly after that party.

But then she wondered. Why would have made Regina so angry, if Wade had left her alone?

Unless...

The pieces all started to come together. Crissy showing up in the counselor's office, ashamed of something that happened at her party. The way Wade had avoided eye contact with her when she ran into him in the hall.

"You slept with him, didn't you?" Miranda asked softly.

Miranda didn't need to know the answer; Crissy's tears were answer enough.

"Yes."

Miranda's motherly instincts kicked in. Of course she was mad that Crissy had hurt her daughter so badly that she felt like she needed to seek attention and love from some stranger on the internet, but she was also just a little girl. Not one who would create troll accounts to torture Miranda and her daughters. Crissy was one who needed love, reassurance. And that, Miranda could give to her.

"Sssssh," Miranda said, drawing Crissy into a hug. "I'm sure Regina forgives you."

And it was true. Miranda believed Serena would have forgiven Crissy, if only she'd been allowed to live.